Guessin' Our Pickss
How well does the cast of Mission to Zyxx know each other? Find out in this newlywed-style game show filled with weird questions submitted by fans! And mark your calendars: The Young Old Derf Chronicles will premiere on Wed Dec 3rd.
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SETH: Hey there, everyone. It's Seth with a quick announcement before our monthly episode. And that announcement is the premiere date of The Young Old Derf Chronicles. And that date is Wednesday, December 3rd. That is when the first episode of this Mission to Zyxx prequel series will drop with bi-weekly releases planned after that until all eight episodes are out. We have recorded most of it. We have edited much of it. Shane has fired up every single machine in his secret sound laboratory. We are so excited to get this out into the world for you to hear. And until December, of course, we will continue to release monthly episodes with content suggested by our supporters, like this episode you're about to hear right now.
[upbeat strings music begins, plays over Alden speaking]
ALDEN: Hello, everyone. Alden Ford here with this month's one-shot podcast by the creators of Mission to Zyxx. Please don't check the calendar. It is technically September, and this is technically August's release, but that's because we've worked so hard on this one. It took us all of the month of August to do.
That's not true. We are very excited to be here with a first and last episode of what we're calling Guessin’ Our Pickss, which is a… [laughter] getting-to-know-you or how-well-do-we-know-each-other game show where the crew of Mission to Zyxx will compete to see who knows each other's mind the best.
[music ends]
SETH: Yeah, 28 days of August was just coming up with that title.
ALLIE: That’s true.
ALDEN: Yeah, "Guessin’ our Pickss" took four weeks.
JEREMY: We use our time badly.
ALLIE: [laughter]
ALDEN: Exactly. But let's just jump right into it. Some of you may be familiar with an old-timey game show called The Newlywed Game, where different pairs of people will try to guess each other's answers to personal questions about themselves.
JEREMY: Frequently… newlyweds!
ALDEN: Frequently newlyweds. That's the idea.
JUSTIN: And this was at a time when people got married who barely knew each other. So it was really challenging for them.
ALLIE: Right.
ALDEN: And of course, all of the questions you're about to hear were submitted by listeners just like you over on our Mission to Zyxx Discord. Thank you so much, everybody who submitted questions. These are great.
WINSTON: Yeah!
ALDEN: If you'd like to join them in crafting our next one-shot podcast, we'd love you to. Please join them in supporting our show over at MaximumFun.org slash join. Okay, our first round is going to be Seth and Allie. These pairs have been randomly selected by a D8 that I rolled for the last four days of August. [laughs] Each pair has five questions to answer about each other. If they are right, they get a point. If they are wrong, they don't. So, Seth and Allie, who'd like to go first?
ALLIE: Sure, I'll answer!
ALDEN: Just to be very clear, I'm going to ask Allie a question, and she's going to answer what she thinks Seth would answer to this question. Okay?
ALLIE: Okay. Gorge. Let's do it.
ALDEN: Allie, what actor do you think Seth would want to play him in his biopic?
ALLIE: Stanley Tucci.
ALDEN: Wow, good answer!
JEREMY: Mm. Mm…
JUSTIN: Fresh off the…
ALDEN: Wow, that was—
MOUJAN: I see that.
ALDEN: You had that in a holster. Seth, what actor do you think Allie would want to play her in her biopic?
SETH: Dakota Fanning.
ALDEN: Dakota Fanning! Wow, you guys are quick.
ALLIE: That would have been good.
ALDEN: Let's see what the real answers are. Allie, what's your answer? Who would play you in a biopic?
ALLIE: I said Zoey Deutsch.
ALDEN: Zoey Deutsch!
MOUJAN: Very good.
ALDEN: Cool!
ALLIE: Because she's so likable, she could make me seem likable.
WINSTON: [laughter] Come on, now.
JUSTIN: Power play.
ALDEN: Seth, who would you want to play you in a biopic?
SETH: I mean, Allie, you were so close because this guy is basically just Stanley Tucci on steroids. Jason Statham.
ALDEN: [laughter] Cool.
SHANE: Nice. Literally—
ALDEN: I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh that much.
ALLIE: I understand. I understand
JUSTIN: You should, like, reword this question a little bit. Who should play you, not who do you want to play you.
SETH: Who do you want!
ALLIE: No, No, it’s who do you want!
JEREMY: This is a classic Guessin’ Our Pickss moment.
ALLIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. [laughter]
ALDEN: Wow, cool.
ALLIE: And British, and British, right?
JEREMY: [Jason Statham voice] "I love this American life!"
SETH: Specifically says want to.
ALLIE: Yeah yeah yeah. Wow, okay, and Seth's biopic is an action movie? Okay.
ALDEN: Yeah. Yeah.
ALLIE: Alright, now I understand.
ALDEN: Guy Ritchie Presents: [Jason Statham voice] Seth's Life. Um, okay, so: Allie, if money was no object, where would Seth live?
[long beat]
ALLIE: Greece.
ALDEN: Wow! Cool. Seth—
SETH: Yes.
ALDEN: —if money was no object, where would Allie live?
SETH: Brooklyn, just a much better apartment.
ALDEN: Oh, wow!
ALLIE: You mean not the former funeral home I live in currently? Excuse me, rent currently?
JEREMY: Hey, I've stayed at that funeral home, and it's lovely.
ALDEN: Wow.
ALLIE: Haunted, but lovely.
WINSTON: That's everybody's answer to New York. Here, but better.
JEREMY: [laughter] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ALDEN: Seth, if money were no object, where would you live?
SETH: Paris.
ALDEN: Wow.
WINSTON: Wow! Paree!
ALDEN: Cool!
ALLIE: I didn't realize what a romantic you are, Seth.
SETH: [fake French accent] Oh, mon dieu.
ALLIE: Is Jason Statham in Paris?
MOUJAN: In Paris? Sign me up!
JUSTIN: Yeah, where’s Jason Statham?
ALDEN: [horrible French accent] Eh! Le Jason Statham! In Paris.
SETH: The biopic obviously takes place in Paris.
ALLIE: I love it.
ALDEN: Allie, if money were no object where would you live?
ALLIE: Amsterdam.
CREW: [huge popoff]
MOUJAN: Oh, you’d go back!
SETH: I almost said anywhere but Amsterdam.
MOUJAN: You’d go back.
ALDEN: There we go!
JEREMY: I thought based on these recording sessions, you'd never want to go back.
ALLIE: And shockingly, now I know how good I had it.
SETH: Oh.
MOUJAN: That's true, that’s true.
ALDEN: I regret to inform you, Team Seth and Allie have zero points. Moving on.
ALLIE: Okay, but we're going to make it up.
SETH: We're still technically in the lead!
JUSTIN: Yes.
ALDEN: Allie.
ALLIE: Yes?
ALDEN: What do you think Seth's favorite Girl Scout cookie is?
ALLIE: I think he's a real freak and he loves those lemon ones.
JEREMY: Ooh.
JUSTIN: Ugh.
WINSTON: Dark horse.
JUSTIN: That’s an insult!
ALDEN: Oh, wow. You guys hate scoring points. Seth, what do you think Allie's favorite Girl Scout cookie is?
SETH: I think she's not a freak and she likes Thin Mints.
ALDEN: Okay, good. Allie, what is your answer?
ALLIE: Thin Mints.
[bell dings]
CREW: [screams]
SETH: [chanting] Points on the board! Points on the board!
ALDEN: Seth, you like those weird lemon ones, [laughter] you fucking freak?
ALLIE: [laughter] Fucking FREAK!
SETH: I am a freaky deaky little freak boy, but I love the Tagalongs.
JUSTIN: Oh, the Tagalongs.
ALLIE: I knew I should have just gone classic.
WINSTON: Freak adjacent.
MOUJAN: That's the right answer. That's the right answer.
SETH: That's what you say if you're trying to hide [library pervert voice] that you're a freak.
ALDEN: Alright, Allie. If Seth could take a nap on a bed-sized amount of food, BED-sized amount of food, what would it be?
ALLIE: Like what is the one food item?
ALDEN: Yeah.
ALLIE: Hot dog buns.
JEREMY: Ooh.
ALDEN: Wow, okay, so you're going for comfort over flavor, for sure.
SHANE: Practical.
ALDEN: Okay, great. Seth, if Allie could sleep on a bed-sized amount of food, what do you think she would choose?
SETH: Cooked rice.
ALLIE: [snort laughter]
ALDEN: Okay.
MOUJAN: Warm.
JEREMY: [disbelief] Oh, not uncooked rice?
MOUJAN: Nice.
JUSTIN: Cooked rice?
ALDEN: I think uncooked rice feels… seems way better. Alright, Allie, your—
JUSTIN: Cooked rice is one of the craziest answers I could have ever imagined anyone saying.
JEREMY & WINSTON: [laughter]
JUSTIN: That's how they would kill people in the past!
ALLIE: [laughter]
MOUJAN: There are rice-filled mattresses out there.
JUSTIN: How cooked are they? How cooked are those mattresses?
WINSTON: Well, that’s the thing, you cook them.
MOUJAN: Al dente.
ALLIE: Okay, but if you put me in uncooked rice, would it sap all the water out like it does my iPhone?
JUSTIN: Yeah! You'd become a mummy.
SETH: You're trying to dehydrate… Allie?
ALLIE: I see who my friends are.
JUSTIN: Desiccated via the rice bed.
JEREMY: But all of your electronics would work great.
ALDEN: Alright, Allie, what's the food you would choose to sleep on a bed-shaped pile of?
ALLIE: I would want to sleep on brioche.
JEREMY: Mmm. Good answer.
ALDEN: Alright, zero points, continue.
SETH: No, we still have one.
ALDEN: Oh, one point! You have one point.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: Seth, what would you sleep on?
SETH: I would sleep on mashed potatoes.
ALDEN: Mashed potatoes.
SHANE: Another wet one.
JUSTIN: [laughing in sheer, utter disbelief] Another wet one!
SHANE: Jeremy, I want to hear Statham as Seth answer the true answer.
WINSTON: Yeah.
JEREMY: [Jason Statham voice] You know what I'd pick? Mashed potatoes.
ALLIE: [Jason Statham voice] Not bangers and mash. Mash!
JUSTIN: [Jason Statham voice] I want to be the banger! Mash me.
JEREMY: [Jason Statham voice] I'm the banger.
ALDEN: Uh, alright—
WINSTON: [announcer voice] Coming this summer: The Banger.
JEREMY: That sounds like a Jason Statham movie! [Jason Statham voice] I'm the banger!
ALLIE: Seth, I think we can get this one.
ALDEN: Alright, last chance for a point, guys. Allie, what superpower do you think Seth would want?
ALLIE: Teleportation.
ALDEN: Ooh okay, good one.
SETH: Nice.
ALDEN: Seth, what, uh, superpower do you think Allie would want?
SETH: Invisibility.
ALDEN: Wow okay, okay, speaking of freaks…
ALLIE: That's funny, because I was thinking teleportation for you because it's, like, a prankster’s, uh, superpower.
ALDEN: Oh, cool.
ALLIE: But so is invisibility!
ALDEN: [hero voice] Well, gotta go, fweeeee!
WINSTON: [laughter] Bamf!
ALDEN: Alright, uh, Allie, what is your, uh, desired superpower?
ALLIE: Shapeshift.
JEREMY: Ooh!
JUSTIN: Interesting!
ALLIE: Then I could look even more like Zoey Deutsch!
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: Or Jason Statham.
WINSTON: Slight… just a slight—
ALDEN: Seth, what is your desired superpower?
SETH: Invisibility.
JEREMY: [devilish laugh]
ALLIE: You guessed that invisibility would be mine when it's yours?
SETH: I thought we were the same.
MOUJAN: [laugher] It’s so good!
ALDEN: Do you guys understand the rules of this game?
SETH: Yes!
WINSTON: Wow. These—
JUSTIN: Wait, that was a very sweet moment. Seth said, "I thought we were the same." That's so nice.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: "I thought we were the same!"
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALLIE: That is sweet.
JUSTIN: "I thought you'd want to sleep on a tater bed!"
SETH: "I thought I recognized you from the creeper conventions."
ALLIE: That’s true.
JEREMY: I quote the classic This American Life episode where they debate flight versus invisibility. "Flight is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators." [laughter]
ALLIE: Wow. And?
SETH: You know what, I'm not as fearful as I used to be.
CREW: [laughter]
WINSTON: "I still crouch though."
ALDEN: Gotta crouch!
SETH: It's a comfortable position.
JUSTIN: Gotta crouch and crank.
ALLIE: That was beautiful. We have one point!
SETH: We do. You know what, we're winning.
ALDEN: So one point for team Seth and Allie.
SETH: Currently winning!
ALDEN: Now we are going to move on to Moujan and Winston.
WINSTON: Okay.
MOUJAN: Okay. Okay.
ALDEN: We're gonna start things off easy. Moujan, what do you think Winston's favorite candy bar is?
MOUJAN: [Cockney voice] I think he's a bit of a Snickers man.
ALDEN: Oh, Snickers.
SETH: That's Jason Statham’s—
ALLIE: Was that Jason Statham?
SETH: That’s his… Jason’s Statham’s grandson—
MOUJAN: [Cockney voice] That’s sure right, it’s me, Jason Statement.
WINSTON: He had helium.
ALDEN & JUSTIN: Jason Statement?
WINSTON: Yeah, Jason Statement!
JEREMY: That's what he does when he talks.
ALDEN: [laughter] That's a classic Jason statement.
MOUJAN: [Cockney voice] I’m a statement, I is!
ALDEN: Winston, what do you think Moujan's favorite candy bar is?
WINSTON: Um… [in the way that AJ says "Tweeist"!] Twix!
ALDEN: Wow, cool. Alright. Moujan, what's your favorite candy bar?
MOUJAN: [laughter] Okay, I made it complicated because I gave the honest answer and then what is practical. Because I’m not a—
WINSTON: [baffled] It's a candy bar! Practical?
MOUJAN: I know, but I'm not a candy bar person. My favorite sort of thing—
JUSTIN: I can't wait for this honest candy bar answer. I'm so excited.
MOUJAN: —honestly—
WINSTON: Is it like a Luna bar?
ALDEN: Baby Ruth or something?
ALLIE: [laughter] A Luna bar!
JUSTIN: A raw potato. My favorite candy bar is a raw potato, actually. That's the real answer.
SETH: [chanting] Cooked rice, cooked rice.
MOUJAN: Hu’s (H-U's) dark chocolate with hazelnut is my favorite sort of candy.
JUSTIN: [excited] That's what I wrote down!
MOUJAN: But I said also maybe Twix, I guess.
[bell dings]
ALDEN: Okay, alright.
JEREMY: "Also maybe Twix, I guess."
MOUJAN: Because I was like, if we're going to go with, like, regular candy bars.
ALDEN: I feel like points are pretty few and far between on this show, so I'm going to give you guys a point.
MOUJAN: Yay!
ALLIE: They already won the whole thing!
ALDEN: Winston, what is your favorite candy bar?
WINSTON: [Cockney voice] Snickers!
[bell dings]
ALDEN: Whoa! No way!
MOUJAN: [Cockney voice] He’s a Snickers man, he is!
WINSTON: I’m a Snickers man! And that’s a Jason statement!
SETH: Wow. We were… we were beaten in the first question.
ALDEN: Okay!
ALLIE: Not only were we beaten in the first question, the fact that Moujan had the most complicated response and then was like "but probably Twix" and that was right!
ALDEN: I know, I know.
ALLIE: Are you kidding?
WINSTON: We were halfway!
ALDEN: Okay, asterisk on the win here, but next question: Moujan, can you name something Winston is allergic to?
MOUJAN: Fried food. [laughter]
JEREMY: Wow.
ALDEN: Fried food. Okay. Winston, can you name something—
MOUJAN: I don't know if that's an allergy.
ALDEN: —Moujan is allergic to?
WINSTON: Bullshit.
MOUJAN: Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah!
JUSTIN: Wow.
ALDEN: Alright. That's what those allergy eye drops are for, is for bullshit.
MOUJAN: Yes.
ALDEN: Moujan, what are you allergic to?
MOUJAN: Again, it's a bit of a complicated answer.
ALDEN: Oh my God.
SETH: Oh, god, Moujan…
JUSTIN: Oh, my.
MOUJAN: Like, recently this summer, it was Think Coffee on Mercer. Um, something about that coffee shop gave me a terrible allergic reaction.
ALLIE: Oh, right!
ALDEN: Wow.
MOUJAN: But the other scientific answer, I don't know if it was related, is propylene glycol. [laughter]
WINSTON: Ah. I was close.
ALDEN: Wow.
JEREMY: Sure. Gotta be.
ALDEN: What is that?
WINSTON: I thought bullshit was gonna be—
SHANE: I thought it was cobalt!
MOUJAN: I mean, in a way. Yeah, yeah. Or, yeah.
ALDEN: Wow. Alright. And Winston?
JUSTIN’S WIFE: [muffled laughter]
WINSTON: Oh, is that too… Justin, everything okay?
JUSTIN: Whenever I'm recording something, my wife takes her clothes and throws them over my head to the hamper right here. Like a maniac. She loves it. She's cackling in the background.
CREW: [chuckling]
JEREMY: Yeah, we can hear it.
JUSTIN: She's a maniac!
WINSTON: I am allergic to… penicillin!
CREW: Whoa!
ALDEN: Don't ever get syphilis!
WINSTON: Too late! That's how I found out.
JUSTIN: That's why he keeps it!
JEREMY: That's good advice in general, regardless of an allergy.
ALLIE: Never get syphilis.
WINSTON: Yeah, it’s the only reason I don't want to get syphilis, is because I…
ALLIE: Yeah, of course.
ALDEN: Alright. Moujan, what do you think Winston's best celebrity impression is?
MOUJAN: Oooh, okay. [slowly] Boy, I think his best celebrity impression, if I think about it, it probably, I would say, Winston gives off the energy of [laughter] William Shakespeare.
JUSTIN: [laughter] Oh my God.
SHANE: We all know what he sounds like!
ALLIE: What…?
ALDEN: Yep.
SETH: [Cockney voice] ‘ello, guvna!
JUSTIN: That's, my number one celebrity is William Shakespeare, so it's crazy you said that.
ALLIE: Yep!
MOUJAN: Yep.
JUSTIN: When I think of celebrity, I think Zoey Deutsch, Shakespeare.
WINSTON: Yeah.
ALLIE: Yeah.
ALDEN: Winston, what do you think Moujan's best celebrity impression is?
WINSTON: I think Moujan's is…
MOUJAN: It's one I did for Zyxx once! Successfully! No, no—
ALLIE: [offended] Oh, now we get to help each other?
MOUJAN: I’m sorry! Sorry!
ALDEN: You're already in the lead!
SHANE: I think I know who it is.
SETH: Oh, I know, I know this one.
WINSTON: Um, I feel like you could do… Bill Cosby. [mortified laughter] Just kidding!
MOUJAN: Oh, God! Dear Lord.
ALLIE: [hurriedly] Disqualified. Disqualify them.
WINSTON: That… don't do that one. I feel like you could do a really good, like, I feel like you could do, like, a Meryl Streep?
MOUJAN: Okay. Classic.
ALLIE: I have a guess.
SETH: Can I guess?
MOUJAN: Allie, what's yours?
SETH: Can we say it simultaneously, Allie?
MOUJAN: Oh, yeah yeah yeah!
SETH: One.
ALLIE: Yeah.
SETH & ALLIE: One, two, three…
ALLIE: Gizmo!
SETH: [overlapping] Michael Caine!
WINSTON: Oh.
MOUJAN: No. No. Can I answer?
WINSTON: Yeah.
MOUJAN: It's Werner Herzog. [laughter]
ALDEN: [laughter in disbelief] Wow! That's your best impression?
MOUJAN: Werner Herzog! I, I—Okay, I can do—
SETH: Jeremy came back on cam.
JUSTIN: Yeah, gotta see this one.
ALLIE: Gotta hear it now.
MOUJAN: Wait, I always need Jeremy to start it off so then I can mimic it. Jeremy, start it off.
ALLIE: Okay.
JEREMY: [Werner Herzog voice] I'm afraid your impression is very inaccurate.
MOUJAN: [Little German child voice] I think my impression is very good.
ALDEN: [laughter] Oh my god…
JUSTIN: [laughter] It’s… It's wild that’s… You're doing Jeremy doing Werner!
WINSTON: Yeah, yeah.
ALLIE: [laughter] Oh my goodness!
WINSTON: I don't think I would have guessed that one.
ALLIE: Moujan, you self-selected that as your best impression?
MOUJAN: [Bjork voice] It is my best impression.
WINSTON: Now it's sort of Bjork?
ALLIE: [hysterical laughter]
JEREMY: [Werner Herzog voice] Moujan, I'm afraid the way you form your letters is…
MOUJAN: [dying little German child voice] I think it's perfectly…
ALDEN: [laughter] Cool. Alright, Winston, what's your best celebrity impression?
WINSTON: Cartman.
JEREMY: Cartman?
ALDEN: [laughter] Oh, really?
MOUJAN: Do it. Do it!
ALDEN: I don’t think I’ve ever heard your Cartman!
ALLIE: Let's hear it.
WINSTON: Alright. I'll do it… One of them… [Cartman voice] I wouldn’t let some girl push me around. I'd be like, hey, you get your business in the kitchen. You make me some pie.
JEREMY: That's a pretty good one.
ALDEN: That’s pretty good!
MOUJAN: That's good!
ALDEN: That’s excellent. Whoa.
WINSTON: I can also do Oh, Holy Night as Cartman.
ALDEN: [deliberating] Mm… No, that's fine.
ALLIE: Hmmm….
SETH: Some copyright issues.
ALLIE: We’ll get flagged. We'll get flagged for that.
JEREMY: Copyright from the Lord?
MOUJAN: [Werner Herzog voice] I think it's perfect!
ALDEN: Okay, alright. Alright, great. No points, but I did enjoy that.
MOUJAN: Michael Caine…
ALLIE: Michael Caine would have… been perfect.
WINSTON: [Michael Caine voice] Michael Caine.
JEREMY & JUSTIN: [fumbling Michael Caine impressions] Michael Caine!
ALDEN: Okay, Moujan, if Winston had to fill in for another Zyxx character, who would Winston play the best?
MOUJAN: I think Winston would have a fun time as Bargie!
ALLIE: Ooo.
ALDEN: Okay, good. Alright. Winston, if Moujan had to fill in for another Zyxx character, who do you think she would be best as?
WINSTON: Uh… I think Moujan would be a great… Nermut!
ALDEN: Wow. Okay, good. Nice. Alright. Moujan, what did you say?
MOUJAN: Okay, well, I, you know, same thing, same deal. Like, I was like, you know, if we're going to have fun with it. But then there's an honest answer. So I said Squeegee, but really, Nermut.
[bell dings]
CREW: [excited murmuring]
ALDEN: Hey, wow, okay! Nice job. Alright, Winston?
WINSTON: And I said… Bargie!
[bell dings]
JUSTIN: Okay, nice!
MOUJAN: Pew pew pew pew pew!
JEREMY: They're on fire.
JUSTIN: That's amazing. It’s amazing, when it works.
SETH: Is this four points?
WINSTON: I was going to say William Shakespeare, but I decided to go with Bargie.
ALDEN: [laughter] That's so funny. Two points, right?
JUSTIN: Four.
ALLIE: [New Yorker voice] Two points! BrookLYN! [giggling]
ALDEN: Four total. Okay. Last question for Moujan and Winston. What is your daemon?
JEREMY: You're in California!
ALDEN: What is your daemon? Or, you know… uh…
JEREMY: If your soul was an animal, what would it be?
ALDEN: Sure! Winston, if Moujan was an animal, what kind of animal would embody her soul?
WINSTON: Hmm… I think Moujan would be like a bird of some kind.
MOUJAN: Oh, interesting!
ALDEN: That narrows it down…
WINSTON: Yeah.
SETH: Sort of a lizard bird!
ALLIE: A bird… lizard?
ALDEN: [chuckling] Yeah…
WINSTON: Yeah, a, uh, let's see… A bird. Yeah, a bird!
SETH: Do you know any types of birds?
ALDEN: Surely you know a bird!
ALLIE: That is a different game, Jeremy. We are not testing that right now!
JEREMY: [confused] I didn't say anything!
ALLIE: Oh. [laughter]
SETH: That was my Jeremy impression! Eyo!
JUSTIN: Really good one.
MOUJAN: That was so good, that was so good.
WINSTON: A blue bird! A blue bird. A blue bird.
MOUJAN & ALLIE: Okay.
MOUJAN: Me?
ALDEN: Yeah, what do you think Winston's animal is?
MOUJAN: A fox.
ALDEN: Ooh.
ALLIE: Wow.
ALDEN: Like a sexy anthropomorphic fox, like Robin Hood or like a…?
MOUJAN: Sure.
JUSTIN: Yeah, like Robin Hood.
WINSTON: Is there any other kind?
SETH: Alden, sit back down in your chair. What are you… Get your shirt back on.
MOUJAN: Awooga! What are you saying, Alden?
ALDEN: Alright, Winston, what is your animal that you wrote down?
WINSTON: I think I misunderstood the question, and I said… my dog!
CREW: [laughter]
ALLIE: I love it.
ALDEN: Great.
WINSTON: I love my dog.
ALDEN: Moujan, what would… do we have bird? Do we have generic bird?
WINSTON: [piping up] I said bluebird!
MOUJAN: No. This one would eat the bird, though. It's an opinionated stray cat.
ALDEN: Oh, cool.
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALDEN: Great.
ALLIE: Cat, of course. Of course.
MOUJAN: Because you'd be walking with it.
WINSTON: Oh, yeah, cat. Alright. Yeah. Sorry.
MOUJAN: Yeah. Yeah.
ALDEN: So dog and cat. Great. Great. I love the imagination. Dog and cat. Terrific.
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: You guys really get the spirit of this!
JUSTIN: A lot of wondering if you guys know what animals are in this question.
ALDEN: [clears throat] Alright, so four points, right? Four points for Moujan and Winston. Not bad.
JEREMY: Pretty good. Pretty good.
JUSTIN: A lot of highs and lows in that round, I got to say.
WINSTON: Yeah, well, you know.
JUSTIN: From Werner and Shakespeare to you guys nailing some answers.
ALDEN: Alright, Justin and Jeremy are next. Team Justin and Jeremy.
JEREMY: Okay.
ALDEN: Let's kick things off. Justin, what do you think the best dish Jeremy can cook is?
JUSTIN: [muttered] Oh boy, I don't know. [normal] My answer is weighted a little because I haven't been recording with you for as long.
JEREMY: [laughter] You want a handicap?
JUSTIN: Yeah, like a little… like….
JEREMY: You have known me for 15 years!
ALDEN: I’ll spot you half a point.
JUSTIN: I will say I have known Jeremy, and I've seen Jeremy more in the last three months than ever before.
JEREMY: That's true.
JUSTIN: I'm going to go with a strong guacamole.
CREW: [murmured approval]
ALDEN: Ooh, good guess. Yeah. Alright. Jeremy, what do you think Justin's winning dish would be?
JEREMY: Okay. So Justin's a dad, and so he's got to cook for the family here. So I'm going to say family favorite, mac and cheese.
ALDEN: Ohoh, okay. Alright, Justin, what's your best dish?
JUSTIN: It's a salsa!
JEREMY: Mmmm…
WINSTON: Oh…
JUSTIN: A kiwi apple salsa.
JEREMY: Kiwi apple? Whoa!
WINSTON: Kiwi apple?
JUSTIN: Legitimately known for in the upstate region.
ALDEN: Okay. Very good.
JUSTIN: Where there's less food to eat.
ALDEN: And fewer people, to be honest.
WINSTON: You're introducing people to salsa.
JEREMY: Yeah, they stumble over the word at first.
JUSTIN: They haven’t had much Mexican food.
ALDEN: You're introducing people to other people.
JUSTIN: This was… "I thought this was a dance," they say.
ALDEN: Jeremy, what's your best dish?
JEREMY: I got very into making it over the pandemic, and it is broccoli fried rice.
JUSTIN: [laughter]
ALDEN: Wow. Very specific.
ALLIE: Would you sleep on that broccoli fried rice?
JUSTIN: Yeah, would you sleep in it?
JEREMY: It’s… y’know, you leave it in the pan a little bit so it chars so I don't know if it's good to sleep on.
ALDEN: Aromatic though.
JEREMY: Although I do make guacamole a lot. That was a solid guess.
ALDEN: Are you saying you wish that you had said, are you saying that Justin was more right than you are?
JEREMY: I'm saying it's not, it's not something I don't make. And I'm like, I do make it and I feel good about it when I make it, but…
JUSTIN: I know Jeremy better than he knows himself. I think that's what we're saying.
ALDEN: Wow.
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALDEN: Great. Alright. Next question. Justin, which type of medieval weapon do you think Jeremy would wield?
JUSTIN: This is a…
ALDEN: If given the opportunity,
JUSTIN: This is a tough one. Um, Jeremy, taller man.
ALDEN: Yeah.
JEREMY: True.
JUSTIN: Can really get up and over.
ALDEN: Certainly by medieval standards.
JUSTIN: Yes, definitely.
JEREMY: [laughter] Yeah. Foot and a half taller than most.
ALDEN: Yeah.
WINSTON: Giant.
JUSTIN: Two men.
SETH: In celebrity William Shakespeare's time.
JUSTIN: Yes. His own height is the real weapon.
ALDEN: [laughter]
WINSTON: I believe… it might have sounded something a little bit… like this.
SETH: [Cartman impression] Hiya guys!
WINSTON: [Cartman impression] Hey guys! You’re super tall, man!
CREW: [laughter]
JUSTIN: I'm going to go with an axe.
ALDEN: Ooh.
JEREMY: Alright.
ALDEN: Jeremy, what medieval weapon do you think Justin would wield?
JEREMY: Okay. It's a good question. I'm going to say Justin has sort of a roguish element that might put him in a band of merry men. And so I'm going to say quarterstaff.
ALDEN: [laughter] Oh, wow! Cool!
JUSTIN: That’s cool.
ALDEN: Alright, Justin, what's your medieval weapon of choice?
JUSTIN: It's a sword!
CREW: [bursts out laughing]
ALLIE: Perfect.
JEREMY: Why did we make it so hard for ourselves?
JUSTIN: Tried to… we got a little fancy there.
JEREMY: We just want swords!
JUSTIN: We just want swords.
JEREMY: We want swords.
JUSTIN: And I love it. I'm not tall, so I said sword. You're tall, so you said longsword.
JEREMY: I was like, I guess if we're going to be specific, I'll say longsword.
ALDEN: That's really funny. Alright, next, here’s a very—
WINSTON: Ya basic!
JUSTIN: Let me just say, I think this is where we're really going to shine.
JEREMY: Okay, yeah, I feel good about this.
ALDEN: Okay, to give you slightly fewer options than medieval weapons—
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALDEN: Justin, what chipmunk from, of course, as we all know, the problematic found family comedy, Alvin and the Chipmunks, what chipmunk do you think Jeremy would be?
JUSTIN: Are you saying the found family are the Chipmunks or Chipmunks and Dave?
ALDEN: Are you suggesting that the Chipmunks are not biological brothers?
JUSTIN: That's what I think you're suggesting.
ALDEN: No, I’m saying it isn’t—
JUSTIN: I'm saying they're a real family.
ALDEN: [laugh scoff] Well, Dave’s not—
SETH: Guys, we're about thirty seconds away from becoming an Alvin and the Chipmunks podcast based on the content of these—
JUSTIN: Feel like we talked about Alvin on another one…
WINSTON: We need to rebrand.
ALDEN: We really can’t… put more time into it. No. Alright. What does the—
JUSTIN: Jeremy has big Simon energy, and I've always said that.
ALDEN: Absolutely.
ALLIE: That's ‘cause the glasses!
JUSTIN: Exactly. Exactly. And everything else. [laughter]
ALDEN: And, Jeremy, what do you think Justin lands on this Chipmunk spectrum?
JEREMY: Going back to the roguish energy, I think Justin is an Alvin.
ALDEN: Yeah, yeah. I've got to agree. What do you think?
JUSTIN: Blawh!
[bell ding]
ALDEN: Okay, there you go.
JEREMY: Blawh!
[bell ding]
JUSTIN: Yeah! That was a guaranteed win.
JEREMY: That was a solid choice.
ALDEN: Two more points! Alright—
SETH: So for audio purposes, let's say, let's clarify that they both were correct.
JUSTIN: Oh, yes, we were both correct.
JEREMY: We were correct, I was Simon…
JUSTIN: I think "blawh" is enough to say that yes, Alvin is my selection.
CREW: [murmured agreement]
ALDEN: Alright, two points there. Okay, another one. This might, oh boy, this might also be a slam dunk. Justin, what do you think Jeremy's favorite animated series of all time is?
JUSTIN: This is tougher. There's a lot of ways to go. Really tough choice here because you got to go—either go genre, or you go comedy.
ALDEN: Sure.
JUSTIN: And I think I'm going to go with Avatar: The Last Airbender.
ALDEN: Oh, wow. okay, good guess. Good guess. Jeremy, what do you think Justin's favorite animated series would be?
JEREMY: Um… hm… I don't know. So what I'm gonna do is take a wild stab.
JUSTIN: That's the only way to answer this question.
ALLIE: Mm.
JEREMY: And I'm gonna say the Star Wars adjacent show Droids—
CREW: [bewildered laughter]
JEREMY: —featuring the adventures of C-3PO and R2-D2.
MOUJAN: I can see that.
ALDEN: Alright, Justin, do we have Droids?
ALLIE: DO we?
JUSTIN: That is a crazy answer. I love the esoteric nature. I can't imagine that's anyone's favorite show.
JEREMY: No, it truly is not. It's quite bad.
JUSTIN: I would say Adventure Time.
JEREMY: Adventure Time…
ALLIE: Hell yeah!
ALDEN: Oh, good answer. Good answer. Good job. Jeremy, what is your favorite animated series of all time?
JEREMY: I only got into Avatar in like the last few years, but I do think it's great. But my all time numero uno is… [Jeremy pauses as he shows the group something]
ALDEN: Ooh, Cowboy Bebop!
ALLIE: Good answer!
JUSTIN: Wow. I didn't know! I didn’t know you—
JEREMY: I rewatched it, I rewatched it recently. Just as good as the first time I watched it. Loved it.
ALDEN: Holds up, holds up!
ALLIE: Oh, yeah.
ALDEN: Alright, guys. One more chance to put points on the board here. Favorite dessert—
JEREMY: [interrupting] We have points on the board, if you'll remember!
ALDEN: Sorry. Additional points. Justin, what do you think Jeremy's favorite dessert is?
JUSTIN: Hmm… Very tough. Uh… This is a controversial answer, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm going to go with pumpkin pie.
ALDEN: Wow. I'm with you. I'm with you, Justin.
JUSTIN: Some people love it. Some people love it.
JEREMY: I think Justin is a classic kind of guy, and he's a brownie guy. He likes a chocolate, like a fudge brownie.
ALDEN: Good answer.
JUSTIN: [disbelief] I can't believe… you got that correct!
[bell ding]
CREW: Whoa!
ALDEN: You got it! Justin! Okay, that’s three points!
JUSTIN: How did you get that?
JEREMY: I don’t know!
JUSTIN: I was like, no shot. This is barely a dessert. This is like a lunch dessert!
JEREMY: No, come on! Brownies are—it’s a classic dessert!
WINSTON: It’s a sweet treat!
ALLIE: [confused] A lunch dessert?
JEREMY: It's a classic desert!
ALDEN: Jeremy, what's your favorite dessert?
JUSTIN: I like no desserts.
WINSTON: That is…
JEREMY: Mint chocolate chip ice cream.
WINSTON: Brownie is, to me, that was the guess of the game so far. That was the pick of the game.
JUSTIN: That was amazing!
ALLIE: No, no, no. The guess of the game is still Moujan detailing for us the healthy dark chocolate—
SETH: And then parentheses…
ALLIE: —eighteen dollar bar that she actually likes and then being like, okay, but Twix.
SETH: Yeah. Brownie is the parentheses Twix of your guesses.
JEREMY: Alden, do you want me to host the… for you and—
ALDEN: Oh sure sure sure, yep, and now I'll hand over hosting duties to, uh, Jeremy, uh, for round four which is Shane and me.
ALLIE: Beautiful, beautiful!
JEREMY: We've got to get our fabulous host in the game, and we've got to get our Sound Rodd in the game. We're talking Alden and Shane. They've got five questions. Let's see how well they know each other. Now, different to the biopic question: Alden, Shane gets to pick a celebrity co-star for his blockbuster action comedy film. Who does Shane choose to be his co-star?
ALDEN: I mean, that's tough. I think it's hard to know what Shane would answer, but I know what I would answer for him, and it would be someone who is like…
MOUJAN: Okay, that's the game.
JUSTIN: That is the game.
ALLIE: This is good. This is good.
ALDEN: I'm going to pick someone who's a very popular A-lister right now: Zendaya. I'm going to say it's going to be Shane and Zendaya in a buddy cop movie or something.
JEREMY: Alright, okay. I mean, I'd watch it. I’d watch it! Shane, Alden gets to pick one celebrity co-star for his blockbuster action comedy. Who's that co-star?
SHANE: I do think of Alden and Seth as a sort of a pair.
CREW: [chuckles]
SHANE: And before they even answered, I had this picked out. I thought Statham, it would be a two-hander, two stars going for it together.
JUSTIN: Wow.
ALDEN: Me and Statham.
ALLIE: Do you think… do you think that means that… Shane and Seth now have a point together, or..?
ALDEN: We can’t get into that…
JEREMY: Yeah, yeah. There's now a secret fifth team that has one point!
WINSTON: You mean… you mean… Is it Statham or Statement? Which—
MOUJAN: [Cockney voice] Statement, ay, it's Jason Statement.
JEREMY: Alden? Who'd you pick?
SETH: Please, God, Alden, have picked Stanley Tucci.
ALDEN: I feel bad because I don't think I would have chosen Statham, but I kept coming back to something. I knew it was going to be too esoteric, but I just love him to death. Don Lee. He's a Korean action star…
SHANE: That was my second one! I almost put Don Lee.
ALDEN: [excited] Really?
SHANE: No, I don't even know who that is.
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: He’s awesome. He's like a Korean Jackie Chan. He's like a very funny physical and very funny dude.
MOUJAN: Oh, sure!
WINSTON: Oh, I know who you’re talking about.
ALDEN: Great comic timing.
JUSTIN: Alden and "the Jackie Chan of Korea" in…
ALDEN: [laughter] That's right!
JUSTIN: Dude, Where's My Car Two.
JEREMY: Alright. Shane…?
SHANE: So if I was in an action movie, I'd be the co and not the star. That's the way I like it. I'm a bass player. I'm a sound guy. I would pick Keanu, baby.
ALDEN: Oh, wow.
MOUJAN: Nice.
JEREMY: Now that's…
ALLIE: Of course.
SHANE: Just wanna be around him!
JEREMY: That’s good box office, baby.
ALDEN: See, you guys are so similar, though. You sort of have a Keanu vibe. I don't know if you want something very different.
SHANE: Well, Bill and Ted is a great series, so it works.
JEREMY: That’s true, classic peas in a pod.
ALDEN: Fair enough. Good answer. Okay.
JEREMY: Okay, next question, much simpler. Alden, Shane, we're at a diner. What's the go-to diner order? We'll go Shane first this time. What's Alden ordering?
SHANE: Well, okay, this is tough because it's breakfast or is it lunch?
JEREMY: It's a diner. We’re talking, it's 24 hours, baby. They have breakfast anytime.
SHANE: I know, but what do you order? I mean, Alden is a classic guy. He likes the sweets. If he's going breakfast food, he's doing a stack of pancakes and bacon and eggs. If he's doing lunch food, he's doing some classic BLT, maybe club. I'm going to go with club.
JEREMY: Okay.
ALDEN: Wow.
JUSTIN: That answer is so good because he sort of said the whole menu, which is the actual answer.
ALDEN: Yeah.
JEREMY: Alden?
ALDEN: You know, I think Shane is going to be a lunch guy over a breakfast guy. I would say BLT for Shane.
JEREMY: Okay. Shane?
SHANE: Corned! Beef! Hash! Baby!
JEREMY: Hash, corned beef hash, a diner classic.
ALDEN: [laughter] I was so wrong!
SHANE: I love it.
JUSTIN: That's disgusting!
ALLIE: That's the lunch of breakfasts.
SHANE: Corned beef hash every day!
ALDEN: Corned beef hash is delicious! That is honestly one of my, I honestly probably should have chosen that if I remembered it. My choice was Belgian waffle.
JEREMY: Belgian waffle, he got you.
SHANE: I got close with the pancakes.
JEREMY: Sweets for breakfast, but we cannot award the points, I'm afraid. Okay. Celebrity you'd be most excited to meet. Now, this is interesting because we, you know, we have had the opportunity to, you know, rub elbows with some A-listers or at least B or C-listers, depending on your math. Alden, who do you think Shane would be most pumped to meet?
ALDEN: Well, I know Shane is a big fan of alternative comedy. I think he could definitely, there could be like a Nathan Fielder or somebody on this list.
ALLIE: Mmm.
ALDEN: But I think I got to go classic. I think I'd say Bob Dylan.
ALLIE: Oh!
JEREMY: Oh, sure. Shane, same question.
SHANE: I think that Alden is a man of fine taste and he would go for the best of the best. The biggest celebrity on earth currently living is Paul McCartney.
ALDEN: Kablamo.
[bell dings]
CREW: [pops off]
JEREMY: Paul McCartney! Nailed it!
ALDEN: That's right.
SHANE: For the folks at home listening and not watching our feed on Rumble, he wrote down Paul McCartney.
WINSTON: Mr. Beast!
JEREMY: Yeah, Shane, what was yours? Mr. Beast?
MOUJAN: Was it Mr. Beast?
SHANE: This is one that I thought we would have an overlap. I also had Paul.
CREW: [murmuring in approval]
ALDEN: Okay, nice, good!
SETH: Pretty good, though. Pretty good on both sides.
JEREMY: I mean, that is a good, if you're going to use it to meet somebody, it's like, that's a pretty good one.
MOUJAN: Also, guys, I have a surprise.
ALDEN: Is it Paul? Are you with Paul right now?
WINSTON: [Cartman impression] Hey, guys, it's me, Paul McCartney!
ALDEN: [cackling laughter] Winston, why haven't you done this impression more often on the show?
SHANE: Paul, why did the Beatles break up? I heard it was something to do with authority or something. What was happening there?
ALDEN: [Cartman impression] John wouldn't respect my…
JEREMY: Alright. Great. Alden, Shane, if you were food, what food would you be?
ALDEN: We had a lot of food questions submitted.
JEREMY: We had a lot of food questions. I was going to say, these were not our questions. These were submitted.
ALDEN: Alright, so for Shane, this is tough. I think Shane would be a New York-style pizza. I think, like, a brick oven pizza.
ALLIE: Whoa.
JEREMY: Okay, yeah, alright. Shane, same question.
SHANE: Well… Alden is a great cook. So this one was very tough for me.
JEREMY: I was going to say.
SHANE: I mean, I decided to just go for something that I know that he does very well. It does fit his personality. Something that is like unassuming yet when done with finesse can be life changing.
ALDEN: Wow.
ALLIE: Aww…
SHANE: That is a Thanksgiving dinner roll.
ALLIE: Wow.
JEREMY: Oh, a dinner roll.
ALDEN: Oh cool, as white as white can be!
[clapping]
JEREMY: Just like our Alden!
ALLIE: Gorgeous.
SHANE: I love your dinner rolls, man.
ALDEN: [laughter] Thank you. Thank you. I do make a good dinner roll.
JEREMY: Alden, what would you say?
ALDEN: My answer, unfortunately, was a French dip.
JEREMY: French dip sandwich!
MOUJAN: Oh!
ALDEN: Not very French, but juicy!
JUSTIN: Yes. He calls his mustache French dip, I believe.
ALDEN: Yeah, yeah. Oh my God.
JEREMY: And Shane, what'd you say?
SHANE: I decided to save paper, and I just went with [imitating earlier delivery] Corned! Beef! Hash!
JEREMY: [simultaneous] Corned! Beef! [normal] The hash is a smash. What can you say?
ALLIE: Oh!
JEREMY: It works for so many questions.
ALDEN: Uh, thank you, Jeremy, for filling in for, uh, host there. How many points did we get?
JEREMY: Uh, I believe you got one for Paul McCartney.
SHANE: Paul McCartney!
ALLIE: Pew pew pew!
ALDEN: Yeah okay. One point total.
JEREMY: Yeah. Sorry Shane didn't guess Don Lee.
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: I couldn't think of anybody else!
SHANE: That wasn’t really my fault…
JEREMY: Yeah yeah. If there's someone to blame there… yeah.
ALDEN: Alright. Next round is, this is one for all of us. I call this game Superlatives. We're all going to get a question. Again, these are all questions posted on Discord in our, uh, pitch room. Thank you so much for all of these suggestions. This is Superlatives, so we're all going to answer a question posed to all of us, but the answers are all members of this cast. So, for example, who has the coolest mustache? You might ask. [laughter] It's Justin.
JUSTIN: [snorts]
ALDEN: So everybody who chooses the most popular choice will get a point. So if four people chose Justin for his best mustache and nobody else got that many votes, those people all get four points. For those of you following along at home, Winston has had to call it a night but he has emailed us his answers for these following questions so we will read them as we go. Alright, so we're going to ask a question, we're going to hold up our cast member and count up the points.
MOUJAN: Can you also vote yourself, too?
ALDEN: Of course. Of course.
ALLIE: Wonderful.
ALDEN: Most helpful to have nearby if a bear is attacking.
[crew considering]
ALDEN: Okay. Ready?
JEREMY: Yes.
ALDEN: Everybody ready? Most helpful to have nearby if a bear is attacking…
[crew flips paper]
JEREMY: Set?
ALDEN: Seth, Jeremy, Allie, Alden, Alden, Shane.
JEREMY: Who is Set?
MOUJAN: Who's Set?
JUSTIN: Set! Set!
SHANE: I got one.
SETH: So three Aldens.
JEREMY: We got… Shane, Allie, and I all said Alden. And then Seth, Shane, myself, and Allie all got one vote.
ALDEN: Yeah. I chose Seth because he's a big outdoorsman, and I think I could outrun him.
JEREMY: You're from Alaska!
ALLIE: Yeah, that's exactly why I chose Alden, too.
JEREMY: That's my logic.
ALLIE: He understands the woods!
ALDEN: I would be able to identify what kind of bear it was before it murdered us.
JEREMY: Great.
ALLIE: Great.
ALDEN: Yep.
JEREMY: That's info I need.
ALDEN: "Yeah, that's actually a Kodiak bear, not a grizzly bear."
JEREMY: "Oh, great—[imitates being mauled by a Kodiak bear]"
ALLIE: [laughter]
ALDEN: Alright, great! Thank you, guys. Who all… who said Alden?
JEREMY: Me—
ALLIE: I did.
JEREMY: Me, Shane, and Allie.
ALDEN: Okay, you each get a point.
ALLIE: Nice.
MOUJAN: Alright, continue on. Continue on.
ALDEN: Who would do the least badly on American Gladiators?
[crew murmurs]
ALLIE: Least badly?
JUSTIN: What a well-phrased version of this question.
SETH: Accurate but mean way to frame it.
ALDEN: Alright. Oh, this is a tough one. Oh, this is a tough one. I'm changing my vote. Alright. Three, two, one…
[crew flips papers]
JUSTIN: I voted for myself.
ALDEN: [laughter] Justin? So…
MOUJAN: I was going to do that, too.
ALLIE: I voted for…
JEREMY: Wow, we have a three-way tie!
MOUJAN: Wow, we have a three-way tie.
ALDEN: Wow.
JEREMY: Mouj and I said Winston. Justin and Alden said Justin. And then Allie and Seth said Mouj.
MOUJAN: Hell yeah.
ALDEN: Wow. There's only one way to determine it, and that's for you guys to go on American Gladiator.
MOUJAN: Let's do this.
SETH: Wait, no, let's do a tiebreaker. Now you can only choose one of those three people.
MOUJAN: Okay, but then we just pick the same ones.
JEREMY: No, Shane has to pick one of those three.
SETH: Oh, yeah, Shane has to pick, because you were the only one…
MOUJAN: Yeah, Shane has to pick.
SETH: Between Winston, Moujan, and Justin.
ALDEN: You're both distance runners, which is why I wrote Moujan and then I switched to Justin because I was like, I think Justin.
ALLIE: I chose Moujan because she is always walking far distances.
ALDEN: That's true.
ALLIE: And have you seen her flex her arms?
SETH: She's the only person who participated in the Tribeca soccer.
JUSTIN: That's true.
ALLIE: Yeah!
MOUJAN: This is great. Keep talking. Keep talking. Thank you.
JUSTIN: But a lot of it's about dodging tennis balls, really.
JEREMY: I bet Mouj can dodge a tennis ball.
MOUJAN: That’s true. I can do it. Yeah. I'm petite.
JEREMY: In video game terms, her hitbox is extremely small.
SHANE: But can you get that giant hamster ball moving?
ALDEN: Uh…
ALLIE: Alright, Shane, who do you choose of those three?
JEREMY: Yeah, who do you pick, Shane?
SHANE: Justin.
ALDEN: Okay. Justin wins.
ALLIE: Justin wins.
JUSTIN: I have probably watched the most episodes of American Gladiators.
JEREMY: Oh, that is not true.
MOUJAN: Wow. Honestly, little rude after everyone spoke so much about me and [laughter] then you chose Justin.
ALDEN: Not convinced, not convinced.
ALLIE: Really says something there.
ALDEN: Alright, next question. Who leaves the buffet feeling the worst? [laughter]
ALLIE: I love this question.
ALDEN: This is a rough one.
MOUJAN: Okay.
ALLIE: This is a good one.
ALDEN: Three, two, one.
[crew flips papers]
ALDEN: [laughter] Wow! We got another tough one.
JEREMY: Another three-way tie.
ALDEN: Three-way tie between Moujan, me, and Jeremy!
ALLIE: I did say Winston because I remember what it was like when he ate the hot chicken—
MOUJAN: Oh yeah!
ALLIE: —but I would say a close runner-up would be Moujan because she eats so well that if she were to participate in a buffet, it would ruin her.
SETH: Yeah!
MOUJAN: That’s true.
ALDEN:That's why I voted for you, Moujan, because I know you also don't like junk food. You like… If you had to go to a buffet, you would regret it.
MOUJAN: But because of that, I probably have a high tolerance of it because it's so new to my body.
ALDEN: That may be true.
SETH: Even though buffets aren't free, I just know Moujan is an aficionado of free food at events. And that, I feel like, is buffet adjacent.
ALLIE: That’s why.
ALDEN: And you guys voted for me because I make bad decisions.
JUSTIN: Yes, I've been with you when you're like, "oh, no. Why?"
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: Euuugh, okay.
MOUJAN: I think Alden can maybe do a little too much if he wants to.
ALDEN: Sure. Oh, yeah. Known for it.
JUSTIN: And he wants to.
ALLIE: But the Moujans have it for the buffet.
ALDEN: The Moujans have it. Okay.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: The next question: who can be trusted most with the power of flight?
MOUJAN: To fly? Not to get on an airplane?
ALLIE: [cackling laughter]
SETH: The power to be a passenger.
ALDEN: The power to fly.
MOUJAN: And to trust means that they would be successful in it or complet—what does that mean?
SETH: That you wouldn't use it for nefarious means.
ALDEN: They'd use it for good. They'd use their power for good.
MOUJAN: Oh, use it for good. Just, okay. Yeah. Interesting. Okay.
ALDEN: Three, two, one.
[crew flips papers]
ALDEN: Seth, Allie, Jeremy, Shane, Seth, Jeremy, Shane. Okay!
SHANE: Oh whoa.
MOUJAN: It's another three-way tie, Jesus!
JEREMY: ANOTHER three-way tie?! That’s wild.
SETH: This is a terribly designed… terribly designed game.
JUSTIN: Crazy that it keeps being three-way ties.
SHANE: Now, we know Seth doesn't want it, which is why I think he would be trusted.
SETH: I can be trusted, I just wouldn’t use it.
ALLIE: And clearly it should be Jeremy because he already looks like Superman.
SETH: Yeah, exactly.
ALDEN: That's true.
JEREMY: Alden, I believe you're the tiebreaker.
ALLIE: Yeah. Alden, you chose me, Allie, and nobody else did, so now you get to decide between Jeremy, Shane, and Seth.
ALDEN: Hmm. Jeremy, Shane, and Seth.
MOUJAN: For good. Remember that part.
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALDEN: For good. Right. For good. For good. Oh, boy. You guys are all just such good boys.
SETH: I thought you were going to say shitheads.
MOUJAN: They are the goodest boys.
ALDEN: I got to say Shane. I think I'm going to give it to Shane on this one.
JEREMY: Yeah.
ALDEN: You know what? I think he's got it.
ALLIE: Shane's have it.
SETH: Alright.
ALDEN: Last two. Absolute power corrupts. Who is the first to fall victim? Wow. If we were all given absolute power, who would… who would make it weird first?
SETH: Who would corrupt first? Who would be corrupted first?
SHANE: This is going to end the podcast.
SETH: I know, this is a rude one.
MOUJAN: Oh, gosh. I don't know. It's too many good boys and gals, right?
ALDEN: I know. We try. We try our best.
JEREMY: [chuckle]
ALDEN: I'm going to say…
MOUJAN: Okay.
ALDEN: Does everybody have one?
JEREMY: Yeah.
[crew murmurs]
ALDEN: Three, two, one.
[crew flips papers]
ALLIE: I put myself.
ALDEN: [laughter] Oh, Allie wins.
JEREMY: Allie wins!
MOUJAN: Allie wiiiins!
ALLIE: The Allies have it.
ALDEN: Wow, the Allies have it. Oh, boy.
ALLIE: Woo!
JEREMY: I'm glad that I picked it and Allie also thought that.
SETH: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MOUJAN: Now, Allie, why would you think that of yourself?
SETH: Look at her face.
JUSTIN: She's already corrupted.
ALDEN: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, it’s not…
JUSTIN: She's corrupted right now.
JEREMY: She knows. She just knows.
ALLIE: It was just, just had a feeling.
ALDEN: You've made too many enemies, you’ve got… Yeah, you've got too many scores to settle. Alright, next. Group game, our final game. Now we're flipping things around, and we are going to ask a question of each person on the cast, and the rest of us are going to answer. The closest or the most accurate gets a point. We'll start with Jeremy because he needs to go.
JEREMY: Sorry.
ALDEN: Jeremy, what is a place you'll never set foot in again?
JUSTIN: Hmm.
JEREMY: And I'll clarify the rules. It is a place? Like a destination you would travel to.
ALDEN: Gotcha.
MOUJAN: Okay.
ALDEN: Okay.
CREW: [murmurs]
ALDEN: Okay. I will go first. Disney World in Orlando, Florida.
JEREMY: Uh, I've only been once as a two-and-a-half-year-old, so couldn't judge. Couldn't judge.
ALDEN: Ah, okay, alright.
JUSTIN: Two-and-a-half?
ALLIE: I would like to say Burlington, Vermont.
JEREMY: A fine guess, a place I have been, but no reason not to return to Burlington.
ALLIE: Alright.
MOUJAN: I will say that hotel we all went to in San Francisco that ultimately gave three of us COVID.
ALDEN: [laughter] Okay!
JEREMY: The Omni?
ALDEN: The Omni in downtown San Francisco.
JEREMY: I don't know that that was the hotel's fault, but…
MOUJAN: We don't need to name the hotel!
JEREMY: No, I think I probably would go back there.
MOUJAN: Okay.
ALLIE: Great COVID.
JEREMY: Exceptional COVID.
JUSTIN: I'm going to say the city of Miami.
ALDEN: That was going to be my guess!
JEREMY: No, not that one. Never been, wouldn't know.
ALLIE: Hmm. Hm!
SHANE: I'm going to say Austin, Texas?
JEREMY: I've been to Austin, Texas and I certainly would return for their delicious queso dip.
ALDEN: [laughter] This episode brought to you by: queso dip!
MOUJAN: Gotta go for the queso!
JEREMY: Especially, I would return to a bar called Casino El Camino that has a really good burger.
ALDEN: Wow, okay.
MOUJAN: Okay. Alright. Seth?
SETH: Okay. I'm going to double down on Austin.
CREW: [laughter]
SETH: No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, shoot, shoot. Uh, I'm going to say Reno, Nevada. I think that Jeremy had a, uh—
JEREMY: Wow. Close! Close!
MOUJAN: Vegas?
JEREMY: I'm afraid it's the worst city to gamble in or just exist in, period. And I'm talking about Atlantic City.
[crew pops off]
ALDEN: Good choice!
SETH: Atlantic City was my second guess!
JEREMY: What a gross, disgusting place. On one night, I watched four different people vomit. And I was like, "never again."
ALDEN: Oh wow.
JEREMY: Not one time in my life will I return.
SETH: My gut was a bad gambling city.
JEREMY: And you were right. You just picked the wrong one.
ALDEN: Wow. Alright. Cool. So Jeremy gets a point, but nobody else does. Alright.
JEREMY: Eyyy.
MOUJAN: So how many points do you have right now before you go?
JEREMY: Six currently.
ALDEN: Six points! Great job, Jeremy.
MOUJAN: Nice. Alright.
JEREMY: Alden, I'm going to send you answers-
ALDEN: okay, great. That's fine. That's fine. Thanks, Jeremy. Bye!
JEREMY: Bye-bye.
[Jeremy disconnects]
ALDEN: Alright. Up next is Seth. The question for Seth. I love this question submitted on Discord: how many feathers does Seth own? What a great, almost knowable question for all of us.
ALLIE: I’ll go first.
ALDEN: Oh, Allie has one.
ALLIE: I'll go first. Now, I want to be clear that the language says own, not that he's collected. It's that he owns.
MOUJAN: Purchased!
ALDEN: Can anyone own a feather?
ALLIE: And that is why I would like to say that Seth owns one feather quill pen.
JUSTIN: I like the use. I was going to say three peacocks for decorations.
ALDEN: Wow.
MOUJAN: Yes. I'm aware that, you know, Seth has kids, so this is maybe you buy, I feel like kids love feathers. So I was going to, I'm going to go in the middle.
ALDEN: Two, then?
MOUJAN: I'm going to say two. Two just regular old feathers.
JUSTIN: Purchased for a child.
MOUJAN: Purchased for a child… one each!
SHANE: If we're just going with own and not collect, I'm going to have to be logical and say thousands. Down pillows—
ALDEN: No, that doesn't count. Pillows don't count.
MOUJAN: That's true! That’s true!
JUSTIN: That's smart thinking right there.
SETH: Yeah.
SHANE: [offended] So they have to be visible? What's the line?
SETH: If you guys are paying attention…
SHANE: A feather garment. Could it be hundreds? I'm going to say twenty-seven.
SETH: Twenty-seven.
ALDEN: Twenty-seven, okay.
ALLIE: Beautiful.
SETH: Wow.
SETH: You haven't noticed I've been visibly counting feathers this entire Zoom call?
JUSTIN: Yeah.
ALDEN: I'm going to say, let's assume he has a couple of badminton birdies or something that have multiple feathers.
JUSTIN: From like, the ‘50s?
ALDEN: I'm going to say twelve feathers. I'm going to say twelve feathers.
MOUJAN: Sure, sure.
ALDEN: That includes a quill pen and maybe a couple of the random things that have feathers in them.
MOUJAN: Sure, sure, sure. Solid. Alright, Seth, how many?
SETH: Alright, well, the answer I wrote is five, but one of those feathers was collected. The owned feathers are four.
ALLIE: Walk us through those feathers.
SETH: Two in a Dreamcatcher.
ALDEN: Of course.
SETH: Two attached to a plush Nermut made by a Mission to Zyxx fan.
ALDEN: Oh wow.
MOUJAN: But did you buy those?
SETH: Well, I think if you're given something, you own it.
MOUJAN: No.
JUSTIN: That's fair.
ALLIE: Yes. Yes. I agree with that.
SETH: Yeah.
ALLIE: Yeah.
MOUJAN: Okay.
JUSTIN: That's how most holidays work.
SETH: [laughter] Yeah.
ALLIE: [cackle]
SETH: Yeah.
JUSTIN: And birthdays… Christmas…
SETH: So, yeah, I've discounted the vulture feather that I picked up…
ALDEN: I think five. No, I think five.
SETH: You think five? The vulture feather counts?
ALDEN: 100%. Okay.
MOUJAN: Did anyone guess five?
SETH: No.
ALLIE: No.
MOUJAN: No.
JUSTIN: I guessed three?
ALDEN: Oh yeah. So I think Justin wins!
[bell dings]
ALLIE: Justin wins…
MOUJAN: Alright Justin.
ALLIE: [angry throat noise]
ALDEN: Alright so, uh, [laughter] we'll see if we get Winston to weigh in on this, uh, from beyond the grave but, uh…
JUSTIN: He said he did have an answer.
SETH: He did, he said he wrote it down.
MOUJAN: Oh yeah.
ALLIE: Yeah!
ALDEN: Okay. So Winston has left his answer at Shane's house: Winston develops a crippling gambling addiction. What is he gambling on?
JUSTIN: I think this is very easy. Ponies.
ALLIE: I was going to say the ponies!
SETH: I have the ponies as well.
ALDEN: Wow.
MOUJAN: Really?
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: Okay.
MOUJAN: I'll do classic. I'll just say poker.
ALDEN: Okay, Jeremy also guessed Kentucky Derby, so ponies.
ALLIE: What about you, Alden?
ALDEN: I was thinking just those like, mindless slots, like the slot—
MOUJAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JUSTIN: You have a crippling gambling addiction is a slot machine? Wow. That is crippling.
ALLIE: Oh, no.
SETH: It’s like an eighty-five year-old Winston.
ALDEN: Yeah, I didn't say when, we didn’t have to stipulate it’s happening right now!
MOUJAN: [old person voice] It'll happen for me!
JUSTIN: [old person voice] That's my machine…
ALDEN: Yeah. And Shane, what's your guess?
SHANE: I can't guess now, I—
MOUJAN: Shane has—
ALDEN: Oh, you looked at it already, okay.
SHANE: Well, I wish I had a Cartman impression in my back pocket to get his voice just right, but it's a "gambling addiction, betting on the ponies!"
[bell dings]
MOUJAN: Oh! [clapping]
SHANE: It’s the ponies!
ALDEN: Wow, everybody gets a point but me!
MOUJAN: And me, I said poker.
SETH: You had the first syllable right.
ALDEN: Oh, poker, okay. Everybody gets a point but me and Moujan. Alright. Next is me. The question is my least favorite food trend.
ALLIE: Okay, I have one hot out the gate.
ALDEN: Okay.
ALLIE: Alden's least favorite food trend is when the food is under the glass and it's like filled with smoke and then they lift the glass and all the smoke spills out.
ALDEN: [laughter] Wow.
JUSTIN: That's good.
MOUJAN: I think Alden's least favorite food trend is any, I don't know if this counts, but anything that would have a line? Like an unnecessary line. Like a hot thing.
ALDEN: A line?
JUSTIN: A line to wait for it.
SETH: Like it's too popular? It's too trendy?
MOUJAN: Yeah, a line to wait for.
ALDEN: Oh! Oh oh oh, gotcha.
SHANE: Uh… Alden is not a hipster, so I don't think he would be reactionary towards any trend that's actually good. I think he would… Honestly, just not like stuff with truffle crap on it. Like truffle fries, truffle this, truffle that.
ALDEN: [laughter]
ALLIE: That's where you're wrong. He ordered the truffle on top of the egg when we went to high tea.
SHANE: Oh, shit.
SETH: That's not the only time he's ordered the truffle when I've been with him.
MOUJAN: He had truffle when we went to that Italian restaurant in New York!
ALLIE: That’s true.
SETH: Yeah, the shaved truffle.
ALLIE: Well, maybe that was when it was on top of the egg.
SHANE: It looks like he might be eating truffle right now.
ALDEN: That's my mustache.
JUSTIN: It's truffle and mustache.
ALDEN: I have one big long truffle.
MOUJAN: That's not a mustache, that's just truffle, yes!
SETH: He hates the trend of there sometimes not being truffles.
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: Alright, Seth, what's your guess?
SETH: I feel like there's some kind of food video that you hate. It's like the fast [enunciating] slam, boop, bop, like that type of stupid cooking video.
ALDEN: Like a four-hour recipe in like a four-second TikTok video.
ALLIE: [mock surprise] Oh my gosh, is there a Foley artist in here?
SETH: Sorry, I didn't mean to slam, boom, bop y'all. Like compressed time-lapse stupid…
ALDEN: Okay, I love this. Justin? These are all terrible trends, by the way.
JUSTIN: Yes, I'm going to go with, um, over-photography of food, food Instagram.
ALDEN: Oh, I do hate that. Yeah. Oh, hold on. Let me see what Jeremy guessed. Deconstructed foods was Jeremy's guess. Uh, all very good. Um…
SETH: Like the peanut butter next to a jelly next to bread all served on different plates.
ALDEN: Right. Exactly. I was going to say the trend of like a recipe blog…
JUSTIN: [muttered] Oh yeah, I should’ve said that.
ALDEN: That's like, like, uh, 12 pages of bullshit. But that’s… I don't think that's a food trend because I didn't put that. My answer was truffle oil on shit.
[bell ding]
MOUJAN: Wait, what?
SHANE: YES!
ALDEN: I love truffles, but I think truffle oil is gross! And I think it's not—
SHANE: I knew it.
MOUJAN: Whoa…
SETH: Hell yeah.
ALDEN: I think it's overdone. I mean, it tastes okay, but it's everywhere. Too much. Too much, I say. Good job, Shane.
ALLIE: Yeah, good job.
SHANE: Wow.
ALDEN: Alright, next: Moujan! Moujan starts a cult. What type of cult is it?
JUSTIN: Of personality.
ALDEN: Yeah, is that your whole answer?
JUSTIN: Is that… that's not enough probably.
ALDEN: That could be enough, that could be, sure.
MOUJAN: What does that mean?
JUSTIN: I'll expand on that. I think what was the one that Mad Mad Country was about, where they all wore different, like, robes that matched?
ALLIE: Oh, the Bhagwan!
JUSTIN: Yeah.
SETH: Oh yeah, yeah, Shane grew up near them, right?
SHANE: No, but the family story is that my parents were on their way to Oregon to go see what they were all about. And my Grandma said, "nooOooo!"
ALDEN: Oh my god.
JUSTIN: Oh, that's awesome.
ALLIE: Good job, Grandma. Good job.
JUSTIN: And they were famously featured in an episode of Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers as the Cuckoo Cola Cult, which Jeremy would understand if he were here.
ALDEN: Wow.
SHANE: Yeah
ALDEN: He would love that.
ALLIE: Okay, the cult that I believe Moujan would lead would be centered… on walking, you know? It's like, it's not about where you're walking to, but it is about keeping the body in fluid motion at all times.
ALDEN: Oh wow, cool, like Tai Chi, very nice. My guess would be, like, something bi-coastal like—that you like, that if you—if you go back and forth between New York and LA enough you can exist simultaneously in both places?
ALLIE: In both?
MOUJAN: Only one exists at one time.
ALLIE: I love that.
MOUJAN: Yeah.
SETH: My guess is that it's somehow a roommate-based cult because Moujan pitches these sitcom ideas so much in Zyxx. [laughter] Where like, and it’s like "and you know what? They have a kooky roommate."
ALDEN: We did have a lot of accidental roommates on the show. There’s always another person on Bargie.
SETH: Yeah. I don't know exactly how that figures into a cult, but it's a cult where everyone has to rotate roommates in some fashion that Moujan dictates for her own amusement.
ALDEN: That's funny. Um…
SHANE: My guess is that the cult is that everything on X-Files was real, and that's our belief.
SETH: Wow.
ALLIE: [laughter]
MOUJAN: Who says it ain't? Who says it ain't?!
ALDEN: Yeah.
ALLIE: Okay. That's her conspiracy theory more than her…
ALDEN: Jeremy's guess was multi-level marketing.
MOUJAN: Okay, sure.
JUSTIN: The cult we're all sort of in.
ALDEN: Yeah, exactly. Moujan, what do you think your cult would be?
MOUJAN: Okay, here's my complicated answer. I am Iranian. I came from a country that had basically a theocratic dictatorship. And so we—I am very anti-cult or believing in one person is the greatest. At UCB, if there's ever cult-like feelings, I hated that. [laughter]
ALDEN: Sure.
MOUJAN: But I was still part of it. I don't believe one person is ever better than the other. But if I were to create a cult, it would be none of the ones that you have pitched. It would be the Sunrise Compliment Cult, in which at sunrise, we all leave our establishments, wherever we are staying, and we are forced to compliment someone, no matter what. And then we go back into our hellholes that are our lives. It's called the Sunrise Compliment Cult.
JUSTIN: That’s nice!
ALDEN: How does it get carried away and end up being murder?
MOUJAN: Well, the sun is our lord. And when the sun goes away, it is chaos.
ALDEN: Okay, alright, now I can—
MOUJAN: Basically, the Purge at night. It's the Purge at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ALDEN: Sure, sure, sure.
MOUJAN: But then when you wake up and you compliment, and then the sun rises, yeah.
ALDEN: Got it. Alright, great. Well, nobody got any points for that one. [laughter]
ALLIE: Nope.
ALDEN: Alright. Shane, yours is The Beatles' Order of Supremacy. So your ranking from best to worst of The Beatles.
SETH: Mm.
JUSTIN: Wow.
ALLIE: Whoa.
ALDEN: In terms of musical greatness.
ALLIE: Right.
ALDEN: So I am going to say, and these are not my opinions, but I believe this is a decent guess at Shane's opinion. George, Ringo, Paul, John.
JUSTIN: Wow. Interesting.
MOUJAN: No, no.
ALLIE: I'm going to go Paul, John, George, Ringo.
MOUJAN: I'm going to go Paul, George, John, Ringo. Because George is a very talented musician.
JUSTIN: That is also my answer.
ALDEN: Justin, you're Paul, George, John, Ringo?
JUSTIN: Paul, George, John, Ringo.
SETH: Okay. Mine is Paul, George, Ringo, John.
MOUJAN: Nice.
ALLIE: Wow.
ALDEN: Jeremy's is George, Paul, Ringo, John. I think that was mine as well.
MOUJAN: Okay.
SHANE: So I think that there's an order in which people have favorite Beatles. Your first favorite is John.
MOUJAN: Yeah.
SHANE: Then you get cool and then it's George. And then you get really cool and it's Ringo. And then you get galaxy brain and it's Paul. So mine is the reverse of that. It's Paul, Ringo, George, John.
ALDEN: Okay, okay.
SHANE: There's nobody that I have less respect for than somebody who s-talks Ringo.
SETH: Hmm.
ALDEN: That's that's why I had Ringo so high in my…
SHANE: Yeah.
ALDEN: I know you love Ringo.
SHANE: Ringo is amazing but Paul is the best.
ALDEN: I think Paul, George, Ringo, John would be my ranking. My personal ranking.
SETH: Oh, so I guessed you right.
SHANE: That is a tough one. George is great. They're all great. They're the Beatles!
MOUJAN: Mine’s Pete Best. Best.
ALDEN: Okay, alright.
MOUJAN: Pete Best.
SETH: He's literally the best.
ALDEN: It's in the name. It's in his name. Oh, man. Nobody got any points for that one.
SHANE: Bernard Purdy.
ALLIE: Okay.
SHANE: He counts.
MOUJAN: Yoko.
ALDEN: Billy Preston. Allie, your go-to karaoke song.
ALLIE: Now I want to be clear.
JUSTIN: [laughter]
ALLIE: I hate karaoke. I don't like to do it. I hate to go and watch others do it. BUT if I must, I will only ever sing this one song. And I have sung it every time I have gone to karaoke.
ALDEN: What's Up by Four Non Blondes. That's my guess.
ALLIE: Great guess. Next.
MOUJAN: I'm going to say I'm a Bitch by Meredith… the woman who sang that song.
SHANE: Brooks.
ALLIE: Perfect. And yet you didn't guess me as being corrupted by absolute power, okay.
ALDEN: [laughter]
MOUJAN: That's a powerful song.
SETH: I'm going with Wind Beneath My Wings.
ALLIE: Gorgeous.
ALDEN: By Bette Midler?
SETH: Yes.
ALDEN: Jeremy's guess was Bring Me to Life by Evanescence.
ALLIE: Hilariously good.
MOUJAN: Oooh. That's a good one.
SHANE: I'm going to go I'm Blue by Eiffel Five.
ALDEN: [laughter]
SHANE: That’s a classic song for people who don't like doing karaoke.
ALLIE: [laughter] And want to punish people in the audience!
MOUJAN: Right.
JUSTIN: That's the thing. That's why I would say What's New Pussycat by Tom Jones.
ALDEN: Oh, man. These are… Envisioning you singing all of these songs brings me a lot of joy, Allie.
ALLIE: And again, envisioning me singing any of these songs truly does underscore how miserable I am to invite to karaoke. There's one song I will sing, and it's because I know all the lyrics, and it is Weedus' Teenage Dirtbag.
ALDEN: Teenage Dirtbag!
ALDEN: So I was pretty close. I was pretty close with Four Non-Blondes, I think.
MOUJAN: Good song.
ALDEN: Wow, good song.
SHANE: And listeners, stick around to the post-credits scene where we will hear Allie singing the song.
JUSTIN: A cappella singing.
ALDEN: Yes.
SETH: No, let's license it. Let's spend the money.
ALDEN: Alright. So last but not least, Justin, what makes you the angriest? The angriest.
MOUJAN: I would say missing the subway and the next one coming in like 30 minutes.
JUSTIN: That is annoying.
ALLIE: Politics.
JUSTIN: Very good.
SHANE: Someone's saying they're going to do something, and then they don't.
JUSTIN: Oh, man. That's very good.
SETH: Bullies.
JUSTIN: Nice. Good.
ALDEN: Jeremy's guess is bad traffic.
JUSTIN: [laughter]
ALDEN: My guess would be people who leave you behind as a friend. Friend dumps.
JUSTIN: Mmm.
MOUJAN: Wait, I'm going to update mine, and I'm going to update mine, and I'm going to say vaccines!
ALLIE: [laughter] There we go. There we go.
ALDEN: [laughter] 5G!
SHANE: I'm going to update mine, and I'm going to say the woke mind virus.
JUSTIN: See, I think, Alden, actually, yours is more accurate than what I was thinking. So that’s… I feel like I need to give you the points. I was going to say having to go to bed.
MOUJAN: What? That makes you… so every night you're just so angry?
ALDEN: No, Justin, if you're ever in the same room with Justin at night, he'll always let out a, "I'm not tired!," right before he goes to bed. Like a toddler. [laughter]
JUSTIN: I'm a child. I am a child.
ALLIE: Wow.
ALDEN: That's true.
MOUJAN: What makes you so angry at that?
ALDEN: I've been on tour with Justin several times, and he is like a toddler. He's like… Walking around the hotel room, he's very excited. He'll be like, let's watch a movie. He'll turn it on, immediately fall asleep. [laughter]
ALLIE: That's adorable. You have like permanent sleepover vibes.
ALDEN: Yeah, exactly.
JUSTIN: That's what life is.
ALDEN: Exactly. He's dipped my hand into a warm glass of water so many times while I was sleeping.
JUSTIN: Got ‘em!
[strings music plays over outro]
ALDEN: Folks, thank you so much for tuning in to this very short and succinct game show that we had figured out way before we started it. And in first place, with seven points, Justin Tyler, ladies and gentlemen. Congratulations.
JUSTIN: Oh!
SETH: Well earned. [clapping]
ALDEN: Right on his tail, Jeremy and Allie with six points each. Wow, what a close race we had today. I feel like we learned a lot about each other. What do you think?
ALLIE: I learned that Justin knows us all the best.
JUSTIN: No, that’s not…
MOUJAN: Right, Justin, the newest person, knows us all intimately in a way.
SETH: He’s been here since the beginning.
ALDEN: Justin has been here since the beginning.
MOUJAN: Justin's OG.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SETH: Moujan, I just Doordashed you a 24 pack of Twix.
JUSTIN: That's really nice.
ALDEN: Thanks once again to our listeners on Discord for submitting these hilarious questions for us to answer about ourselves and each other. Very fun. If you would like to submit questions or anything else for our next episode of these one-shot podcasts, you can do so by supporting our show at MaximumFun.org/join and then joining our Discord where a bunch of like-minded, fun, cool nerds like you and us are all hanging out all the time. So thanks again for listening and we will see you next month or this month. Later this month. And we'll see you next month in September.
CREW: [laughter]
ALDEN: Thanks for listening. See you next time.
MOUJAN: Byeee.
ALDEN: This has been Guessin’ Our Pickss! Goodbye!
SETH: Bye everybody!
[music ends]