L02: Shiftin' the Night Away [LIVE ft. Alison Becker]
The crew responds to a distress signal on the planet Pilpil, where a race of shapeshifters must elude the predators who come at night. Pleck records his last words. Nermut goes to The Beach. Bargie goes on a Bender. Recorded LIVE at the Southern Screen Film Festival in Lafayette, Louisiana!
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November 19, 2017
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Season 1
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ALDEN: Hello, everybody. Thanks for coming out, how's everybody doing? [audience applauds] Alright. I'm going to introduce everybody. I'm Alden Ford. I play Pleck Decksetter, Ambassador Pleck Decksetter. Hello. This is Jeremy Bent. He plays C-53, Protocol and Diplomatic Relations droid. [servos whirring] This is Moujan Zolfaghari. She plays Bargie, the ship, the Bargarean Jade. Seth Lind, Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy! [applause] Winston Noel plays everyone else in the galaxy, [audience laughs] including the CLINTs, Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers. And we have our special guest tonight. Very excited to have her, Alison Becker is here! Give it up for Alison. And let's pour out some applause for Dar, Allie Kokesh, who could not be here this weekend, but we are thinking about her, and we love her. [audience applauds] Last but certainly not least, by any means, our sound designer Shane O'Connell is here tonight. [audience applauds] So you're going to get vocal effects, music, sound effects. [servos whirring] Jeremy's got all of the C-53's servos. We've got some disgusting noises that Winston will be playing. [squelches] So we're going to be doing it completely live, and I think it'll be really fun. So anyway, without further ado, let's get it started! You guys ready? Alright. Please enjoy Mission to Zyxx!
[intro music]
NARRATOR: The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zyxx.
PLECK: Hey, C-53?
C-53: Yes?
PLECK: Have you seen Dar?
C-53: I must confess I have not seen Dar. I did see her go into her room, but that was quite some time ago.
PLECK: Huh. Interesting. [loud] Hey, Dar? [silence] Well, I guess she'll be alright.
C-53: There's nothing to support that.
PLECK: I don't know. I mean, I just want to be optimistic about the situation. You don't think she's like—
C-53: Well, of course you've experienced when—
PLECK: Yeah, she was in heat. Yep.
C-53: Yes. And her body temperature climbs to 500, 600 degrees.
PLECK: Sure, sure.
C-53: Very hot.
PLECK: Yeah. Maybe it's something—I don't know. I don't want to get involved. I'm certainly not going to bother about it, but—
C-53: Well, it's perfectly fine to get to know your crew, Ambassador Decksetter.
PLECK: [laugh] Sure, that's true. What's maintenance like for you, C-53? What do you have to do to kind of, like, you know— For me, let's see. I've got to eat food, obviously.
C-53: Sure.
PLECK: I don't know how familiar you are with Tellurians.
C-53: I know that Tellurians have to eat food.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Okay, well, I don't know. I don't know.
C-53: Unlike you, I don't need to sleep, but occasionally I go into a low-power mode.
PLECK: Right.
C-53: To run diagnostic subroutines and things of that nature.
PLECK: Do you ever find anything cool? Are you ever like, whoa, I have a virus!
C-53: That's not a cool thing for an AI.
PLECK: I don't know, I guess so.
BARGIE: AUUGhhHHHhh…
PLECK: Oh, Bargie.
BARGIE: Sorry, I went on a bender last night while you guys were asleep, and my engines hurt. Every part of my ship hurts.
PLECK: Wait, what is a—
C-53: I did notice a lot of noise last night.
PLECK: What is a bender for a ship, Bargie?
BARGIE: I just met up with a couple of my old friends.
PLECK: Oh.
BARGIE: We exchanged gas, got some more gas, went into hyperspeed, and we just did a bunch of—just a bunch of stuff. A bunch of stuff.
PLECK: Okay.
BARGIE: Everything hurts!
PLECK: I guess I like—everything you're describing sounds pretty normal for a ship, so I'm wondering, like, why are you in pain?
C-53: Well, Ambassador Decksetter, you may notice the scent of extremely high-octane fuel in the air.
PLECK: Oh, sure. Oh, does that, like—does that, like, juck you up?
BARGIE: It jucks me up real hard.
PLECK: Okay, cool. Well, sorry. Drink some oil or something? I don't know, to, like, re-lubricate?
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, that is not—
PLECK: No, sorry. I shouldn't—actually, don't take my advice. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
BARGIE: I'm just gonna let some oil seep inside of me out to release some of the fluid, so I feel a little better. AUUUUUUUU[ejects gas]
[audience laughs]
C-53: That’s sort of… More oil than I was expecting.
PLECK: Yeah. Don't you need some oil?
BARGIE: …Sometimes.
PLECK: Okay. I really—I feel like the more I learn about how you work, Bargie, the less I know.
BARGIE: Not so loud.
PLECK: Sorry. Okay. Sorry. I'll keep it down.
[communicator chimes]
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Oh. Hey, Nermut. What's up?
NERMUT: Hey, guys. HA ahhh. Sorry.
PLECK: What was that?
NERMUT: Nothing, my b-
C-53: You seem to be in pain.
NERMUT: Well, I just—I've had a day off, and then a day off in so long, so I went to the beach, and—
PLECK: What? Which—the beach?
NERMUT: Yeah.
C-53: Aren't you—
PLECK: Aren't you on a spaceship?
C-53: The Federated Alliance ship Delegator?
PLECK: Yeah, you're on the Delegator.
NERMUT: Yeah, yeah. The beach is—it's the one bar on the Delegator. It's called the beach, but it actually is full of sand. There's a skylight. They have really hot lights, so I got a sunburn on the back.
PLECK: You got a sunburn from artificial sunlight?
NERMUT: Yeah. I didn't know it could happen, and everyone else went there with a friend who applied sunscreen, and I—
C-53: Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy, I was under the understanding that you were a reptile?
NERMUT: I am—well, I'm a reptile that's partway through to evolving into a bird.
C-53: Okay.
NERMUT: I mean, I should say my entire species is.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Yeah, I was going to say, YOU are not going to end up being a bird…
NERMUT: No, no, no, no. It'll be millions of years until the species becomes birds, but we are—you can see here that I have what's sort of a bird leg.
C-53: Oh, they’re very thin.
NERMUT: And these are sort of like embarrassing little feathers coming out of my reptile skin, but I—
PLECK: We don't need to see that…
NERMUT: Okay, so—
C-53: Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy, my point in addressing both of those species is that neither of them get sunburned, so I was curious how you would get the evolutionary abili-
PLECK: Yeah, that’s a good point, I've never seen a sunburned bird.
NERMUT: You know what? That is really strange.
C-53: Or a sunburned reptile.
PLECK: Sure.
C-53: A lizard who could get sunburned would be at a terrible disadvantage.
PLECK: I would say I know like four things about lizards, and one of them is that they're in the sun all the time.
C-53: Pretty much all the time.
NERMUT: Well, does this look like sunburn? It could be some sort of rash.
PLECK: Oh. Yep, that's definitely it.
NERMUT: It’s a rash? Oooh, so anyway, it hurts, but I'm tough.
[audience laughs]
C-53: Okay.
PLECK: Okay, sure.
NERMUT: Yeah, I'm a tough little guy.
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: Did you call us just to tell us about the sunburn?
NERMUT: No, no. If you can believe it, I'm going to assign you a mission!
PLECK: Great. What's our mission?
C-53: I will be glad to.
PLECK: I will tell you, don't send us on any dangerous missions, because I think Dar is like—something's going on with her body. I don't know whether she's like shedding or—I don't know.
NERMUT: No, I think this is actually—oh boy.
PLECK: What?
NERMUT: We're getting a distress call.
C-53: Oh.
PLECK: Cool!
NERMUT: But if we don't have the security—
C-53: That could be a great tragedy happening, Ambassador Decksetter, I don’t know if that’s "cool."
PLECK: No, you're right. You're right. It’s… just, exciting.
C-53: Is a hurricane exciting?
PLECK: No, no.
C-53: Is, like, an earthquake cool?
PLECK: I mean, it depends on who you ask, but no, generally no.
C-53: If I fell into a crevasse, would that be…. rad?
[audience laughs]
PLECK: You should definitely use the word rad more often, C-53.
NERMUT: Guys, it's an urgent distress signal!
PLECK: Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
C-53: Yes, of course. We got sorta sidetracked…
NERMUT: Alright, so you are going to the planet Pilpil. I'm sending coordinates. [chiming]
BARGIE: I'll do it after I take a little nap. It just hurts. Everything hurts.
PLECK: No, I think, Bargie, I sort of think this is kind of urgent. I feel like we have to go.
NERMUT: Yeah, you HAVE to go.
BARGIE: Alright, let's go. [hatch opens] But again, I'm going to take a 10-minute nap every 30 minutes.
PLECK: Sure. That's fine.
C-53: Alright. We understand.
PLECK: That's fine. This feels like the wrong mission for us not to have Dar with us.
C-53: If Pleck dies, that's on your conscience, Nermut.
NERMUT: Oh, come on.
PLECK: I will say that's true. Yeah, I will blame you with my last words.
NERMUT: Alright.
C-53: Would you like to prerecord your last words so I can transmit them to Nermut on your death?
PLECK: I mean, that would be great. Yeah, actually, if you could roll on that.
[C-53 beeps]
C-53: Okay, rolling.
NERMUT: No!
PLECK: This is Pleck Decksetter just letting you know that before I die, um, Nermut is most likely responsible for whatever is happening to me.
NERMUT: Alright.
PLECK: And I would like to say — I mean, Nermut, listen, it's fine. I totally —
C-53: I only have about a nine-second capacity for your last words. The Federated Alliance appreciates if you could — we can try it again here.
PLECK: Okay, sure, let's try.
C-53: Rolling one more time.
PLECK: [rapidly] Hi, this is Ambassador Pleck Decksetter just letting you know that Nermut is responsible for my death, not directly but, you know, sort of tangentially. So, sorry. Don't punish him too hard.
C-53: That was good.
PLECK: Cool. That was good?
C-53: I’ll save that.
PLECK: We should probably go, right?
C-53: Yeah, we should go.
PLECK: No, we have to — I need to record your eulogy. So —
PLECK: Yeah, we can do that later.
C-53: No, no. We've got time.
NERMUT: Yeah, we've got time? Great. [chimes] I am not at fault.
[audience laughs]
C-53: Well, that… Okay, we're fine.
PLECK: Okay, that's fine. Yeah. Alright. Let's hit the old — hit the old space. Let's just hit the stars.
C-53: You gotta work on that.
BARGIE: I'm not going to go with you saying that.
PLECK: Okay. Let's GoOOOOOOO to space!
NERMUT: You’re in space.
BARGIE: We are in space.
PLECK: Let's keep going through space! I’ll think on it…
BARGIE: I have the coordinates. I'm just going to go to the coordinates.
PLECK: Sure, sure.
C-53: That’s perfect.
PLECK: Okay, great.
[transition]
PLECK: Huh.
NED: You there!
PLECK: What?
NED: Hello!
PLECK: Hello.
NED: Yes.
NED: Hello. I'm Ned.
PLECK: Ned?
NED: Yes.
PLECK: Uh…
NED: What?
PLECK: What? Nothing.
NED: My name's Ned.
PLECK: That's fine. That's cool. That's fine.
C-53: We just don't meet a ton of Neds?
NED: okay.
PLECK: Listen, I'm Ambassador Pleck Decksetter, this is C-53. We received your distress call, so we wanted to come do what we could to help.
NED: Yes.
BARBARA: Hi, that was me.
PLECK: Oh, hi!
NED: It's our leader.
C-53: Greetings.
PLECK: Oh, hello.
BARBARA: Hiiiii… Can you see me?
C-53: The voice, I don't see where—
PLECK: I see where the voice is coming from, but…
BARBARA: I'm down here.
C-53: okay.
PLECK: okay.
BARBARA: I'm down here. Wait, let me, I'll change this. Let me try… [gross squelchy sounds] okay, wait.
PLECK: Oh, whoa!
BARBARA: Can you see me now?
PLECK: Yes.
C-53: Yeah.
PLECK: Whoa.
C-53: That's an interesting biological process, is what I’ll call that.
PLECK: Yeah.
BARBARA: Yeah. I'm a banana now. I was trying to be a giraffe. But hi, I'm Barbara.
PLECK: Well, it's yellow with brown spots, so you're close.
BARBARA: Yeah, thank you. Did you hear that, Ned?
NED: Barbara.
BARBARA: I'm getting better!
C-53: Giraffes and bananas are a similar color.
NED: [frustrated] Time is of the essence.
PLECK: Oh, sorry. Yes, of course.
NED: Here on Pilpil, we are hunted, all of us, by terrible monsters.
BARBARA: TERRIBLE monsters.
NED: Barbara, yes, they're terrible.
BARBARA: I'm just reiterating what you said, Ned!
NED: Yeah, we, no, they're terrible. We all agree. Barbara is our leader, and we are a race of shapeshifters. Every night, the monsters come, and we shapeshift in order to hide from them.
BARBARA: Yeah.
NED: Watch. Look what I can do. [squelches]
PLECK: Oh!
C-53: Oh, he turned into an entire tree!
NED: Yes, that's how it's done.
BARBARA: Ned's a really good shapeshifter.
NED: Yes, I—
BARBARA: I inherited the position from my father. I am not the best shapeshifter, but I'm getting better. Right, Ned?
NED: Not, I mean, not really, no, Barbara. That's why we've asked you to come here.
PLECK: okay, well, sorry.
NED: Hopefully you have a security officer with you.
C-53: Ah, ooh…
PLECK: Oh, yeah, no. Something is, I heard a lot of noise. There was some smoke sort of coming out from under her door.
NED: I don't care, really. Is she here or not?
C-53: I can confirm she's not here.
BARBARA: Ned, can you be nicer to our visitors?
NED: I'm sorry. You are the high priestess of Pilpil.
BARBARA: That's right, I am.
NED: We need you… We need you, and if you can't transform, and the monsters eat you, our civilization is ruined.
PLECK: Oh! Can I just ask a little bit about the situation?
BARBARA: Yeah.
PLECK: So, like, the monsters won't eat you— What are the monsters called?
BARBARA: They're called Flingledors?
PLECK: Flingledors!
BARBARA: Yeah, and they'll just eat you right up if you are, say, a banana. But if you're a tree, they just walk right by you. Watch, I'll try and turn into a tree. [squelching]
C-53: okay.
PLECK: Oh.
BARBARA: Am I doing it?
PLECK: No, it's a sandwich. That looks pretty appetizing.
BARBARA: Yeah, the food's not the best.
PLECK: No, you don't want food.
BARBARA: The Flingledors love food.
NED: Yeah, when she gets nervous, she just turns into, like, delicious food. It's not a good idea.
BARBARA: Yeah, it's my mothering instinct. I want to help everyone.
C-53: Sure. It seems like a very bad defensive measure, though, is to look appetizing.
NED: There couldn't be a worse one, really, when you think about it.
BARBARA: It's true.
PLECK: Well, what can we do for you, I guess, is the question. I mean, without our security officer, there's…
C-53: We're not particularly adept at fighting.
NED: UGHHHh.
BARBARA: These guys are fun, aren't they, Ned?
NED: No, they're not. We don't have much time until nightfall.
PLECK: okay, sure.
NED: If the high priestess is eaten… I mean, last night, she turned herself into cobbler that smells like cookies. It was the worst thing you could have turned into.
C-53: How were you able to defend her if she was a cobbler?
NED: I grabbed the cobbler and turned into a tree so it was in the high branches.
BARBARA: It was real fun up there.
NED: We— Ugh, Barbara!
BARBARA: I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it, Ned. It was real fun up there.
C-53: Ned, is that why you have all those teeth marks on your chest?
NED: Yes! All night long, they were scratching at me, trying to get at the cobbler that smelled like fresh cookies!
PLECK: Now, listen, Ned, Barbara, can I just ask you a question? Like, I guess I'm sort of unclear. Why can't you just turn into something and just stay that way? Like, do the monsters get wise? Like, how does it work?
BARBARA: You can only be anything for one night.
PLECK: Oh.
BARBARA: Yeah.
PLECK: And then are you done? Can you not return to that thing?
BARBARA: No, you can't return to that thing ever.
PLECK: So you can never be that banana again?
BARBARA: No, but I had fun being that banana. Remember when I was that banana, Ned, just a few minutes ago? Wasn't that fun?
NED: Ughhh… No, I remember. Yeah. I mean, it was a banana.
BARBARA: He’s such a curmudgeon…
NED: How is that fun? Am I missing something?
C-53: Ned, bananas are a classic instrument of comedy. I feel like you're not giving the banana its due.
BARBARA: There you go, huh?
C-53: Think of all the comedy derived from slipping on the peel of a banana.
NED: I mean, that would have been good. If she had turned into a banana PEEL, then the Flingledor would have…
C-53: No, she was a peeled banana.
NED: What?
C-53: She was a peeled banana.
NED: She was a peeled banana! She was just the fruit. Just the mooshity fruit.
PLECK: Easy to eat. So easy to eat.
C-53: Just the yellow and brown, mushy, defenseless fruit.
NED: Listen, you haven't been doing this night after night.
PLECK: Here's what I think, and I'm not, you know, I don't know you guys very well, but I feel like the real distress call is Ned's pessimism. I feel like that's really what we should be here to fix.
BARBARA: That is such an interesting take on our situation.
C-53: I would say our problem is twofold. Both the incoming Flingledor-
PLECK: Oh, sure, sure. Certainly, imminent death is bad.
C-53: But, also, the specter of negativity that threatens a community at large.
STACEY: Can I say something?
NED: Yes, Stacey.
STACEY: I feel that Ned's been really mean!
NED: Wait, what?
BARBARA: She's right.
STACEY: [quavering] Like, he doesn't ask me about my day, and I tell him, like, what I did last night, and he's, like, not interested. I… if we’re having an honest conversation right now. I just want to be open with you and say I hurt my feelings.
NED: [frustrated] I'm sorry. I'm captain of the priestess's guard. I feel like I have a responsibility.
BARBARA: Ned, is that a real apology?
C-53: Are you hearing yourself?
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: It's very insincere.
BARBARA: You guess you're sorry?
NED: It's not just… Chuck!
CHUCK: Huh?
NED: Chuck!
CHUCK: [squelching] Oh, okay.
NED: This is Chuck.
C-53: He's much bigger than I would have expected.
NED: Yeah, he's a great shapeshifter. He's really good at it. Chuck, do you think I'm a bad guy? I'm trying to help Barbara. I'm trying to save the Pilpil.
CHUCK: Let me check my journal. Let's see. This morning, I feel like Ned's coming down on me real hard.
NED: I—
CHUCK: Oh, yeah, I guess he's been coming down on me real hard. Let's see. I just feel like I look up to Ned, but he treats me like a bad boy.
NED: What? What? Like a bad boy?
CHUCK: Oh, sorry.
C-53: Did you mean he treats you like you are bad, or you're a bad boy, the sort of classic, you know, high school stereotype?
CHUCK: Oh, I wish. Wait, I'm going to transform, guys! [squelching]
PLECK: It's so gross every time. I'm sorry.
BARBARA: That's mean.
NED: What's your problem?
STACEY: That's not nice. You're becoming a Ned.
PLECK: What?
BARBARA: Yeah, you're learning it from Ned.
CHUCK: Really Nedding—
NED: No, do not make me a verb. I will not be made a verb.
PLECK: I didn't mean to Ned you guys, but I will say…
NED: UGHH.
PLECK: I will say I'm surprised because I sort of assumed that it would just go sort of like a smoothly from one of your shapes to another, but it sort of turns into this like kind of fleshy mass and then back again.
NED: I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry that our shape-shifting isn't aesthetically pleasing to you.
PLECK: I shouldn't have said anything.
C-53: Again, Ned, that apology is extremely insincere. Listen to what you just said.
[recording plays]
NED: No, I'm sorry that our shape-shifting isn't aesthetically pleasing to you!
C-53: Can you hear the anger in your voice when he said that?
CHUCK: Condescension cut with dismissiveness.
C-53: Ooh.
BARBARA: Ned, I know we only have a few minutes now before the Flingledorves will arrive, but I think that this is really important that our new friends are pointing out. I mean, where does your anger come from?
NED: I guess because I feel like I have a lot of responsibility as the captain of the guard! And you seem to be getting… worse. And again, we…
BARBARA: Was that an insult, Ned?
NED: No, no.
BARBARA: Can we try and keep it positive?
NED: Yeah, sure. I think you're really good at not shape-shifting to the things you should be shape-shifting into. I think you're excellent at it. You're very good at putting our civilization at risk.
BARBARA: Thank you, thank you.
C-53: It’s almost…
NED: Is that gonna help when the Flingledorves come?
C-53: Well, Ned, let me pose a question to you. Is Barbara not also facing a lot of tough expectations in this situation?
PLECK: Yeah, she's the leader of your society.
NED: I guess that's true.
C-53: Do you perhaps not see some connection between your two situations?
NED: Uh, yeah, well, I guess. We both have responsibilities. Is that what you're…
C-53: Yes, that's what I’m getting at.
NED: Okay, great. Is that what you're getting at? Yeah, Barbara, I'm stressed, and I've been taking it out on you. [stumbling] Uh, because, you know, we have an ancient society here, and it's at risk, and I am taking a lot of that on myself, and maybe I shouldn't. Can you… Will you… help me help you? I hate this. I don't want to be doing this.
C-53: Ned, there's blood coming out the edges of your mouth.
BARBARA: Ned, I think you did a really good job there. I'm so proud of you.
NED: Thanks.
BARBARA: Maybe that's the communication bridge we needed.
NED: Alright.
BARBARA: Stay positive, Ned!
C-53: Did your father not prepare you for the eventual burden of leading your society?
PLECK: Was he eaten by a Flingledor?
BARBARA: He was eaten by a Flingledor. It's an issue in our family. His mother was eaten as well. They made themselves into delicious food. It's what my family did.
PLECK: Can I just ask, how many Pilpils die of reasons other than being eaten by Flingledor?
BARBARA: That's the only way you can die.
PLECK: Okay, sure.
BARBARA: You would live infinitely unless you were eaten.
NED: We are an immortal culture. Again, can you start to at least see why I'm a little frustrated? Just a little bit?
PLECK: Yeah, yeah, I guess I sort of do.
BARBARA: So it was really a blow to our society when my father was eaten and his mother before him.
PLECK: And you don't have any offspring or anyone you would pass the leadership on to?
NED: [hushed] Sensitive topic…
BARBARA: [irritated] No.
NED: Don't go there.
PLECK: What?
BARBARA: I said no.
C-53: She said it in a pointed way in case you missed that.
BARBARA: No, I don't have any offspring. Maybe if I—
C-53: Implies that perhaps she doesn't have a relationship.
PLECK: Hey, C-53, can I actually just talk to you over here for a second? Just step behind this rock.
C-53: Absolutely.
PLECK: Is this rock a Pilpil?
BILL: [squelching] Yes, it's me. My name's Bill!
PLECK: Oh, sorry, sorry.
C-53: I'm very sorry.
PLECK: Okay, uhhh… let's move behind this tree.
NED: Just… No, further, a little. I can tell for a fact.
PLECK: Can you actually just point at an actual inanimate object?
NED: That one, that one, that one, those are all… Hey, guys.
ASSORTED PILPIL: Hey. Oh, hi, hi. Hello!
PLECK: Okay. Are all the features, most of the features of this planet then are Pilpils?
NED: No, some of them are not. I mean, that tree is not a Pilpil.
PLECK: Okay, great. C-53, can I talk to you behind this tree?
C-53: Absolutely. [servos] I just…
PLECK: Can I just run a theory by you really quickly?
C-53: Yeah of course.
PLECK: I think Barbara has maybe like a thing for Ned. I think she's trying to put herself into danger and say, hey, I don't have anybody to pass this leadership on to because I don't have a kid. And maybe that's your fault, Ned, because it didn't work out between us.
DAVE: [squelching] Oh, psych!
PLECK: No!
DAVE: Yeah. I heard everything you said.
PLECK: No!
DAVE: It was me, Dave.
PLECK: Hey, Dave.
DAVE: Hey.
C-53: Dave, great. Perhaps you can confirm this. There is palpable sexual tension between Barbara and Ned, right?
DAVE: Oh, yeah. Big time. Big time, yep.
PLECK: Man. Can you tell me, is there like a history? Did they date for a while?
DAVE: Yeah. Yeah, they dated. Her dad didn't approve. He turned into a cake, got eaten, so they didn't have time to deal with it.
C-53: His way of showing disapproval was to turn into a cake?
DAVE: No, no, no, a separate thing. That's why he was eaten by the Flingledor. That family, they can only turn into delicious food.
C-53: Why would they make the family that can only turn into delicious food the high priests and priestesses of this planet?
DAVE: You know, we ask that of ourselves every day.
PLECK: Every day?!
C-53: And no one chooses to answer the question…
DAVE: Nope. Just ask it.
C-53: The universe is a rich and strange place, my friend. Shall we return?
PLECK: Sure.
BARBARA: Sometimes you just don't know everything. I just wanted to say that.
NED: Okay, fine. I mean, okay.
BARBARA: Okay.
NED: Alright.
BARBARA: Okay, don't make it weird.
NED: I'm not, why… I'm not making it weird.
PLECK: I think maybe this wasn't a distress call. I think it was just a stress call. [beat] You guys like puns?
NED: I hate you.
PLECK: Okay.
ALDEN: Guys, that's our first half. We're going to take a ten-minute break. We'll be right back!
[transition, audience applause]
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I'm sad to say the sun is quickly setting. We may be in danger very soon.
PLECK: Guys, listen, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to stress you guys out but we’re getting—
NED: Oh, you don't? You don't want to stress us out? Then why did you talk to us about positive reinforcement for the entire day?
BARBARA: There’s that tone!
C-53: I thought we were making very good progress.
PLECK: I feel like we were making progress, and Ned honestly feels like he's taking a little step backward right now.
MOUJAN: Beoooo! Beoooo! Beooo!
C-53: Is that your—
DAVE: It’s the sunset alarm.
BARBARA: Oh, yeah.
NED: It's very, again, not as scary as you would think, given what's about to happen.
PLECK: Yeah, it seems like it would be sort of like a klaxon.
NED: I kept pushing for klaxon, but Barbara wanted a ding, ding, ding.
PLECK: Okay, alright.
BARBARA: It's just gentler.
C-53: It's very nice.
BARBARA: It's pleasant.
PLECK: Can I as— Before the Flingledors come out, can I just ask, are C-53 and I going to be safe?
NED: They only eat Pilpil.
PLECK: Oh, great news.
BARBARA: Well, not for us.
NED: Yeah, I mean, cool.
PLECK: I'm sorry. For me, it's great news. I should have kept that inside the old bean.
BARBARA: You're safe, but they'll be here any minute. We should shapeshift into stuff before they get here.
C-53: Alright! We've been working on positive reinforcement all day. Here is where we get to enjoy the fruit of our labors.
NED: Don't say fruit.
C-53: You're right, that was a poor choice of words…
BARBARA: Ooh, could be a nice peach.
NED: Don't… Get that out of your head.
BARBARA: Okay!
C-53: Alright, take a deep breath in, a deep breath out.
NED: Do we all have to do this?
BARBARA: Yes, Ned, just do it.
NED: Alright.
C-53: Alright, and now let's all transform into something that a Flingledor would not like.
PLECK: Sure.
[squelching]
PLECK: Oh, nice one, Ned. Is it stalagmites that are from the ground, or is that a stalactite?
C-53: Stalagmite, ground, stalactite, ceiling.
PLECK: Good, good.
NED: It's just sharp and a rock. They're not going to mess with me.
PLECK: Fair enough.
BARBARA: I'm ready.
NED: Okay Barbara.
PLECK: Okay, give it a shot.
BARBARA: Okay, here I go. [squelching] Oh, I'm a delightful nut mix!
C-53: Oh.
BARBARA: Salty and crunchy.
PLECK: Well, to be fair, Barbara, I mean, I guess…
C-53: At least it’s a tough food.
PLECK: If there were other foods around, like sometimes when I'm at, like, a cantina or, like, at a wedding, and there's mixed nuts, I won't eat them first!
[growling]
PLECK: Whoa, those things are huge!
C-53: They're much bigger than I anticipated.
BARBARA: Oh, that's a Flingledor, alright.
NED: That's a Flingledor.
PLECK: You guys should probably stop talking, because that's going to be very concerning.
NED: I mean, I'm fine. Barbara's a bunch of nuts.
FLINGLEDOR: I smell something good! I smell something good!
NED: The taunting is the worst part of it.
FLINGLEDOR: What is this?
PLECK: Uh, hey, Flingledors, you probably don't want to eat me. Just a Tellurian with a bowl of nuts!
FLINGLEDOR: Bowl of nuts…
C-53: Why would you mention the bowl of nuts?!
NED: Why would you mention the nuts?
FLINGLEDOR: Nom, nom, nom, nom.
BARBARA: Oh no!
NED: Barbara! I love you!
BARBARA: Oh, noOOOO!
NED: I always have!
C-53: Oh, she's being consumed by the Flingledors!
FLINGLEDOR: Nom, nom, nom, nom!
BARBARA: Oh, no, it huuuuuurts!
NED: Oh!
C-53: Oh, they're kind of swelling up a little bit.
FLINGLEDOR 1: Hey, hey, hey. Oh, oh, no.
FLINGLEDOR 2: Oh no.
FLINGLEDOR 1: Oh no.
FLINGLEDOR 2: Oh no!
FLINGLEDOR 1: Oh no!
FLINGLEDOR 2: Do you have the EpiPen?
FLINGLEDOR 1: No! I thought you had the EpiPen.
FLINGLEDOR 2: I wasn't carrying the sack around me today.
FLINGLEDOR 1: No, it's your day for the sack!
FLINGLEDOR 2: But it's Tuesday.
FLINGLEDOR: 1: Oh, I thought it was Thursssday.
FLINGLEDOR 2: Oh, that's why you shouldn't stay up late.
FLINGLEDOR 1: Oh, want to barf it up?
FLINGLEDORS: Oh. Oh oh oh! BAHHHHH
C-53: They barfed it straight into the mouth of another Flingledor!
NED: No, Barbara! Those four months, they were all my fault. I was too proud.
FLINGLEDOR 3: It's in my mouth!
C-53: It's in the mouth of another Flingledor!
PLECK: The Flingledors are barfing a single nut into each other's mouths and then all dying.
FLINGLEDORS: Barf barf barf barf barf!
C-53: I neglected to mention Flingledors a very severe tree nut allergy.
FLINGLEDOR 3: These are my final words! Please replay them.
C-53: I'm recording.
FLINGLEDOR 3: Num, num in my tum.
NED: Uughhh..
FLINGLEDOR 3: Num, num in my tum.
PLECK: That's your final words?
FLINGLEDOR 3: Num, num in my tum.
C-53: Actually, that was the end of the recording.
BARBARA: Oh!
C-53: Oh! Barbara, Are you alright?
BARBARA: Yeah. [squelching] What happened?
PLECK: Uh.
NED: Barbara, you killed all the Flingledors!
BARBARA: What?
NED: There was, how many were there? There were probably..
PLECK: Dozens.
NED: …dozens of Flingledors.
C-53: Just spitting that single nut from Flingledor to Flingledor.
NED: Yes.
BARBARA: I killed all of them?
NED: You killed all of them.
CHUCK: What we thought was your weakness turned out to be your greatest strength. Barbara.
NED: I guess.
PLECK: I guess.
NED: I mean, it still would have been fine if she had learned how to properly shapeshift.
PLECK: Ned, come on.
C-53: Ned! Give her some credit…
BARBARA: Ned!
PLECK: Ned, don't.
BARBARA: Neddy, Ned.
PLECK: Ned, don't think we didn't hear your confession while you thought Barbara was dead.
BARBARA: What confession?
C-53: Uh, replaying now.
[recording plays]
FLINGLEDOR 3: Num, num in my tum.
C-53: Oh, sorry, I’m sorry. Sorry, I meant to play a different file. Uh, replaying now.
[recording plays]
NERMUT: It was not my fault!
C-53: Oh, okay. I seem to have my file structure here sort of out of order.
PLECK: Maybe you have a virus! Cool!!
C-53: It's still not cool. It's still not fun.
PLECK: I'm very excited about your virus.
C-53: Okay, I found the file. Here we go.
[recording plays]
NED: I love you, Barbara! Those four months, it was my fault. I was too proud.
BARBARA: Ned, is that true?
NED: Yes. I broke it off because I cared too much and I was pretty certain you were going to die.
BARBARA: Well, Ned, the good thing is, now that all the Flingledors are dead, we could be together literally forever!
C-53: Yes, Ned, you stated earlier that your species was immortal?
NED: Yes, we are immortal.
BARBARA: This is great news!
NED: This is so great. There's no need for me to have my job anymore, and now I get to be with Barbara for the rest of time. Cool, I've been stripped of purpose and…
C-53: Sounds like a dream scenario.
NED: Yeah, and saddled with someone I…
PLECK: I've never seen a sharp rock cry before.
C-53: Blood coming out of a rock1
NED: Yes.
C-53: That's very strange.
PLECK: We should probably… We should probably go, right? Should we go?
C-53: Yeah, I think we're probably good.
NED: Yeah, thanks for all your help!
BARBARA: Thank you for everything.
C-53: It was our great pleasure.
PLECK: Yeah, sure. Just to… Do the Flingledors, like… Extincting a species isn't gonna, like, be a problem for you guys in the long run, planet-wise, right?
BARBARA: I mean, it might mess up the ecosystem, so maybe come back and check on it in a couple hundred years.
NED: Yeah, to be fair, they purified the atmosphere, so…
C-53: Oh. Oh no.
BARBARA: Yeah…
C-53: This is very bad.
[transition]
PLECK: We should probably call Nermut and let him know what we’ve done.
C-53: We should. We should.
PLECK: Hey, Nermut.
[communicator chimes]
NERMUT: Hey! So, I got some intel back that you very temporarily succeeded.
C-53: We did answer the distress call…
PLECK: There was a couple seconds in there where everything was looking pretty good.
NERMUT: And then you poisoned the atmosphere by having it…
PLECK: Well, we haven't poisoned the atmosphere yet. We just sort of inadvertently removed the thing that keeps the atmosphere pure.
NERMUT: Through a single nut being barfed back and forth?
PLECK: I mean, C-53, what are the odds that that would happen?
C-53: Hmm. I have been thinking about this since we left the surface of the planet, and I can tell you the chance of that happening at all is almost infinitesimally low. But the good news is, the chance of it happening again is a near impossibility.
PLECK: Oh, great.
NERMUT: But I believe in you guys. If anyone could do that again, it's this team.
PLECK: Okay, great, sure.
C-53: While we appreciate the positive reinforcement, Nermut, it may be misplaced in this particular situation.
NERMUT: And I’m sorry, it's a little weird I'm soaking in this vat of salve because of, you know, my…
PLECK: Yeah, how's your back?
NERMUT: It's not better.
PLECK: Huh. I'm sorry to hear that.
NERMUT: Yeah.
BARGIE: You know the best way to get over a bender is to have another one?
PLECK: Now, that's solid advice.
NERMUT: Bargie, you got hammered while they were on the planet?!
BARGIE: OoOOOOOOOh, yeah. I ended up meeting up with a couple other old friends. And, uh, let's just say my hangar is open because it's broken! I really need to get it fixed.
PLECK: Your hatch is broken?
BARGIE: I can't see which one are stars and which one are planets right now. I'm going to go in a circle.
NERMUT: Oh no.
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, you may want to strap in for this particular jump.
PLECK: If your door is going to open, that's going to be a problem for me because I have to breathe oxygen.
BARGIE: Nerd.
PLECK: [laughing] What? Okay, I guess I'll just put on my suit. Hey, Bargie.
BARGIE: Yeah?
PLECK: Well, I was going to say maybe we could join you on this bender of yours, huh?
BARGIE: Alright, but I've reached the part of the bender where I just think about all the bad memories.
NERMUT: Oh, no.
BARGIE: And I shut everything off!
PLECK: No!
NERMUT: Oh.
PLECK: Don't do that1
C-53: Oh, it got very dark in here.
PLECK: I think Bargie's on a mission to deprive me of oxygen.
C-53: Well…
PLECK: She's either going to open the door or she's going to shut down the life support.
C-53: What do you have to worry about? You're in your suit.
PLECK: Yeah, but it only has, what, like six hours?
C-53: [laughing] Oh, it's not that high!
PLECK: It's lower than six hours?
C-53: Yeah, it's much lower.
PLECK: Oh, boy. Well, good luck to me, I guess. Hey, Nermut, you going to party with us a little bit?
NERMUT: Oh, yeah, sure. Well, here, let me try to push this vat of salve over to my little mini bar.
PLECK: That's a weird combination.
C-53: Nermut, I think you're going to tip your vat.
NERMUT: Ah, no! Oh, gosh.
C-53: Oh, boy. That's a lot of salve.
NERMUT: That's a lot of salve on the floor. [squelching] But, yeah. [hushed] The salve is transforming?!
PLECK: No, I think that's just the salve.
NERMUT: Yeah, still salve.
C-53: I think it's just a gross salve.
NERMUT: Yeah, that's just the sound of the salve. Let's get hammered.
[Bargie’s hatch opens]
PLECK: [yelling] Oh, here it is! I’ll put on my helmet!
C-53: Alright, well, Ambassador Decksetter we’ll pick you up!
PLECK: See you guys laAAAAAter!
[outro music]
[audience applauds]
ALDEN: That's our show, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks so much for coming out. I'm Alden Ford, Jeremy Bent, Moujan Zolfaghari, Seth Lind, Winston Noel, and, of course, Alison Becker. Give it up for Alison! [audience applauds] Give it up for Shane O'Connell over here. [audience applauds]
SETH: And we just want to say we are based in New York City, and it's just amazing that this film festival brought us to Lafayette to perform here. So, thank you so much to the Southern Screen Film Festival, Julie Bordelon, who had the idea to bring us here, which is insane. It's so many people to bring into this, and thank you guys so much for coming out. It's awesome.
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