L03: May Z 4th Be With You [LIVE ft. Keisha Zollar]
Take a trip back to the Season 1 timeline and relish in C-53's restraining bolt and a time before Beano. The crew is assigned mandatory crew therapy, overseen by Z 4th, a therapy clone. It gets weird.
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January 21, 2018 at Caveat in New York City.
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Season 1
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ALDEN: Hey guys, welcome to Mission to Zyxx Live! How's everybody doing? [applause] Yeah! Thank you so much for coming out, this is very exciting, this is our third ever live show. I'm Alden Ford, I wanted to introduce everybody. I play Pleck Decksetter, this is Jeremy Bent, he plays C-53! [applause] Yep. Allie Kokesh plays Dar. [applause] Moujan Zolfaghari plays Bargie. [applause] Seth Lind plays Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy. [applause] And Bermut Nundaloy, if you're a fan of Bermut Nundaloy. Winston Noel plays Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers. [applause] And everybody else. And give a special round of applause to our guest tonight, Keisha Zollar! [applause] Very excited to have her here tonight! And of course, last but not least, our incredible, intrepid sound designer, Shane! [applause] Let's get the show started!
[intro music]
NARRATOR: The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zyxx.
[audience applause]
PLECK: Hey, C-53.
C-53: Yes, Ambassador Decksetter?
PLECK: Oh man, just another great day working for the Federated Alliance, huh?
C-53: Yes.
PLECK: We are several months away from X-Marse. Everything's great. Nothing to complain about.
C-53: Sort of a strange thing to mention, apropos of nothing…
PLECK: I just wanted to check in. Sometimes you just got to remind yourself—
C-53: What time it is?
PLECK: —where you are in the timeline.
BARGIE: Alright, so just a couple of things are gonna come later and they’re gonna remove one of my engines, it’s like not a big deal.
PLECK: Your agent?
C-53: No, her engine.
PLECK: Oh, your engines! Oh, I'm sorry.
BARGIE: Thank you for bringing that up.
PLECK: I'm sorry.
BARGIE: Yeah, I don’t… I don’t have an agent right now, it never really worked out, I guess it didn’t… a relationship had to END.
PLECK: Yeah.
BARGIE: Anyway, my engine. One of them, I’m taking one out. I decided to become a one engine gal!
PLECK: What does that entail?
BARGIE: Just having one engine.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: No, but I mean, what do you do? Do you have it, like, removed or do you just eject it?
BARGIE: I'm trying to, like, you know, fit in again.
PLECK: Sure. Is one engine hip these days?
BARGIE: Yeah.
PLECK: Oh, alright. Cool.
DAR: Holowood is very weird. Yeah.
C-53 Ambassador Decksetter, are you not familiar with the single engine trend?
PLECK: No, I don't know. I don't have any engines, so I kind of feel like…
C-53: Well, you're way behind.
PLECK: Yeah, I guess so!
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Yeah, I'm, like, pre. I'm at least two trends behind, I guess, because I don't have two either.
C-53: No, it'll go back to two engines before it goes back to no engine.
PLECK: Oh. Well, maybe I'm way ahead of the curve.
C-53: Mm… No, that's… that’s not it.
PLECK: Okay. That's worth a shot. Bargie, speaking of your agent, like, why did you guys stop working together?
BARGIE: [sighs]
C-53: That’s a very fraught sigh.
PLECK: I'm sorry. I just feel like you're so talented, you're so, like, down to…
BARGIE: [siiiiigh]
PLECK: What? Okay.
DAR: Let her have at least three more of those.
PLECK: That's one.
C-53: Each one more fraught than the last.
DAR: Yeah.
C-53: That one may have… Been some sort of error.
BARGIE: I just wasn’t booking! Honestly, that's just all it was.
PLECK: Yeah, I guess that makes…
BARGIE: Yeah.
PLECK: Makes sense. Well, I'm sorry. If it were up to me, if I was your agent, I'd be sending you out all the time.
DAR: Well, but, Barge, I have to say congrats, because when you're not booking, you are having tons of sex.
BARGIE: Thank you so much.
PLECK: That's true.
BARGIE: Thank you.
PLECK: That's true. That's true. I have noticed that the hatch has been opening and closing a lot more recently, and I try not to get involved. I just stay in my…
BARGIE: And imagine now it's going to be with just one engine.
PLECK: Better?
BARGIE: Yep!
PLECK: Okay, cool.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: Great.
[communicator chimes]
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Hey, Nermut.
NERMUT: [breathing heavy]
PLECK: Are you winded?
NERMUT: Wha— no, I just came from mandatory physical education.
PLECK: Oh.
NERMUT: Which…
PLECK: Physical education?
C-53: Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundeloy, you came from gym class?
NERMUT: Well… try not to call it that..
PLECK: I feel like you're like two years from death, right?
NERMUT: That's on average.
PLECK: I know. On average, you're two. I feel like you should be done with that by now.
NERMUT: I honestly, and they should, the goal rates for running and swimming and jumping, they don't adjust them based on your body height.
PLECK: Oh no! Really?
C-53: That seems deeply unfair.
PLECK: That's really unfair.
NERMUT: So, yeah. Anyway, I think I did good. They said I didn't.
DAR: It's just what you believe, Nermut. That's important.
NERMUT: Thank you.
PLECK: Yeah.
NERMUT: That's what I said.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Also, Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundeloy, it's very important that you continue to remain active at this advanced age.
NERMUT: Yeah. I appreciate it. I want to, but I would like if you just sort of expressed that you think I'm going to outdo the average and I'm going to live to be like 29.
C-53: I mean, statistically that’s… Still, that's very low for a sentient species.
NERMUT: I don't know. I just think that on my epitaph it’s gonna be leader of the best ambassador team who were the most loyal to the Alliance ever.
PLECK: Yeah.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: That sounds about right.
C-53: That was long for an epitaph.
PLECK: Yeah. Also, barely about you.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Sort of a lot of focus in those letters about the other people in your life!
NERMUT: Well, you know, it doesn't. I mean, you know, as my mom always said, it's not about you!
PLECK: Oh, yeah. I guess that's true. That's a good… That's a good lesson to learn. What's our mission?
NERMUT: Okay. Let me pull it up here. So, uh, got to be something exciting. [muttering]
PLECK: You should just have it before you call. You should just have it ready to go.
C-53: Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy, how old is your computer that it's taking this long to load a text document?
NERMUT: This computer is 22 years old.
C-53: Good lord.
NERMUT: And that's wh—
COMPUTER: AHHHhhHHh beep beep beep!
NERMUT: Okay! Alright! That's the sound of when it's coming through! Alright. So here we go. You guys are going to… Oh. Okay. Maybe C-53, you know about this. It seems like they ran some brain scans last night?
DAR: What?
NERMUT: C-53 scanned—
PLECK: What are you talking about?
C-53: I am required by the Federated Alliance to scan the brains of all crew members while they are dormant.
PLECK: What? While we're sleeping?
C-53: Would you prefer me to scan your brain while you are awake and active?
DAR: No, never. Never scan our brains!
PLECK: That would be the better.
C-53: I'm afraid that's not a choice that I'm able to make. So it says here that due to the results of the scan, all crew members are to get mandatory therapy?
DAR: All crew members? That just means me and Pleck are required to do therapy!
PLECK: Yeah! Does C-53 have to get therapy?
C-53: Well, surely not Ambassador Decksetter.
NERMUT: Actually, it says here that his own scan of himself revealed some root command errors. Huh?
PLECK: Oh ho ho!
DAR: Hmm! Hmm hmmm hmm!
C-53: [through gritted teeth] I’ll urge you to read that document one more time Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
NERMUT: How did it change?!
PLECK: You changed the document? That seems against protocol.
C-53: No! Just… Upon closer inspection, found that C-53 did not have to attend therapy.
NERMUT: I think you changed it.
PLECK: Well, listen, C-53. Listen, I mean, I don't know how it works with droids, but like on Rangus VI, like, yeah, there's a little bit of a, you know, stigma about therapy, but it's, you know, it's good. It's good. It's like, even for droids, like maybe there's some, uh, maybe there's some code in there that needs just a little bit of examination, you know?
BARGIE: I see a thera-ship once every month.
PLECK: Really?
DAR: Really!
BARGIE: Yeah. It really helped me to understand my son. So, it’s a good thing.
PLECK: Sure. Blimpie.
BARGIE: I hate him.
DAR: And they helped you understand that.
BARGIE: They helped me understand how much I do not like him as my son. They made it very clear.
DAR: Ah. Well, that is very helpful now you know.
BARGIE: Very good.
C-53: Sometimes it's just good to know for sure.
PLECK: Yeah. So, wait, Nermut, so our mission is to get therapy?
NERMUT: Mission is sort of like a loose term here, I guess. Yeah, you're, you're all just gonna go get therapy.
DAR: And are we paying out of pocket for this?
NERMUT: Uh, oh, oh. The alliance is covering 5%! Yeah.
PLECK: Seems too low.
NERMUT: Was just instated!
C-53: Seems too low.
DAR: Honestly, surprised.
C-53: Seems almost like an insult to pay for 5% as opposed to just not cover it at all.
DAR: Yeah.
NERMUT: Alright, I will ask for them not to cover it.
DAR: No…
NERMUT: Huh?
PLECK: That's the wrong direction. Alright, guys, I guess let's head, head there?
NERMUT: Have fun. You're the best!
[transition]
CLINT: Get down on the ground!
CLINT: Get down on the ground!
[charges blaster]
PLECK: Okay!
DAR: Okay.
PLECK: Okay. Okay. Alright. Jeez. Yes!
C-53: We are face down on the ground.
CLINT: What are you doing on TheraPlanet?
DAR: We're here for therapy.
PLECK: We're here to get therapy! I feel like I need more of it now. This is… terrifying!
CLINT: You're here to get therapy?
DAR: Yes.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Are there a lot of other reasons that people come to this planet?
CLINT: I mean, it's called TheraPlanet.
PLECK: Yeah, I know!
C-53: Well, my implication was that what else would we be doing here?
CLINT: Are you getting sassy with me, Droid?!
[blaster charges]
DAR: Um…
C-53: Just… A little—
PLECK: Does it work to cock it twice?
[audience laughs]
CLINT: Yeah!
[blaster charges multiple times]
PLECK: Alright.
DAR: Okay.
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: Seems gratuitous now.
CLINT: Listen. Therapy's for everybody. Sometimes I get therapy.
PLECK: You get therapy?
CLINT: Yeah, because I'm all like surrounded by idiots! Total idiots. I hate all the other guys. And my therapist is all like, yeah, where do you think that comes from? And I'm like, well, maybe it's…
PLECK: Can we get up off the ground, please? We're showing you.
CLINT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get up.
DAR: Okay…
CLINT: [harsh] Get off the ground! Get off the ground!
CREW: Okay, okay, okay!
CLINT: Get off the ground! [charges blaster] And I'm like, you know, maybe it's because I sometimes don't feel like an individual.
DAR: We don't… We don't…
CLINT: And I'll tell you this. There are a lot of CLINTs that aren't willing to do the work, but I am. I'm the CLINT that's, you know, willing to do the work. I kind of am the most—
PLECK: Yeah, you're sort of like an alpha of introspection.
CLINT: I'm sort of the most alpha when it comes to like doing the work.
DAR: Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
PLECK: Just to clarify, are you on patrol here or did you make us get on the ground because you were just leaving therapy?
CLINT: I'm leaving therapy.
[audience laughs]
CLINT: The door's right over there.
PLECK: Okay, great. Thank you.
CLINT: You’ll talk to the receptionist soon.
PLECK: Cool. Cool. Great. Great. Well, I guess let's head in.
[Bargie’s hatch opening sound half plays]
PLECK: Oh!
DAR: Pleck, what did you knock over?
PLECK: I'm sorry. It’s like a fern or something?
C-53: This is an… It's an old model reception droid.
DROID 1: Yeah. Hello. Hello. I'm the reception droid!
PLECK: Oh.
DROID 2: And I'm his little assistant.
DROID 1: We've got several reception droids here. Hello!
C-53: Oh… They're all nested inside each other.
DROID 1: Yeah. We're nested droids. It's a classic Zorian nested droid!
DROID 2: We're dependent on one another!
DROID 1: Yes.
PLECK: That feels like that's sort of like a psychological, that must be hard for you.
DROID 2: Do you have an appointment?
C-53: We should. Look under crew of the Bargarean Jade?
DROID 1: Processing.
DROID 2: Processing.
DROID 1: Processing.
DROID 2: Processing.
DROID 1: Little droid?
DROID 3: [beeps] Processing.
DROID 1: Ah yes! Yes, yes yes! You are. You have an appointment.
PLECK: Oh, great.
DROID 1: With Z 4th. One of our best therapists.
PLECK: Oh, Z 4th. Okay. Great. Do we all go in together or?
DROID 1: It's group therapy.
DAR: Oh, goody.
PLECK: Okay. That's great. That'll be really fun for all of us, I'm sure.
DROID 2: Please sign these papers.
DROID 1: Yes, this will be payment. Federated Alliance, I see, is covering 5% of this.
DROID 3: Oh, wait. We have new documents. Somebody requested that they not cover it!
DROID 1: Ah, yes!
PLECK: That's a mistake…
DAR: That's a mistake.
C-53: That one is an error.
DROID 1: That's an error? Well, that's what we've got from… Nermut Bundaloy?
PLECK: Yeah. I guess so. Cool.
DAR: Sure. You can just charge it all to Pleck’s account.
PLECK: Yeah.
DROID 1: Well, enjoy your therapy. Hope you live to… enjoy the experience!
PLECK: What does that mean?
DROID 2: Take your shoes off.
DROID 1: Take your shoes off.
PLECK: Sure, sure.
DAR: Okay.
C-53: Um… I don't wear shoes?
DROID 3: Put on these shoes and then take them off.
[audience laughs]
C-53: Alright. Very well.
DROIDS: ENjoOOOOOOoyy…
C-53: That was very strange.
Z 4TH: Welcome.
PLECK: Oh. Oh!
Z 4TH: Welcome.
PLECK: Thanks for having us.
DAR: Thank you.
Z 4TH: I'll come from behind the curtain.
DAR: Thank you. Oh, okay. Oh. Right. Yes.
Z 4TH: Yes. I just want to introduce myself as Z 4th. I'm your therapy clone for today…
C-53: Oh, so you're the fourth Z.
Z 4TH: Yes, I was cloned for emotional value and for parts, but that's not what we're here for today.
C-53: I'm sorry, just one second. You said you were cloned for…
PLECK: Parts?
Z 4TH: Yes, you see, I'm Zibian and we are an empathetic people.
C-53: Zibians also have enormous hearts.
DAR: Yes. Physically, you have an enormous heart.
Z 4TH: Thank you for complimenting my heart, but my eyes are up here.
DAR: Sure. Sorry.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Yeah, Dar is… yeah..
Z 4TH: It's okay.
DAR: Dar is what?
PLECK: No, I just, you're…
DAR: No, no, we're in therapy. Let's talk about it.
PLECK: Let’s wait to talk about that one…
Z 4TH: It's okay, raw emotion is typical. I will cover my second heart out of modesty now. But I want you to know that I am here for you and with you into this journey, because a ship is only as strong as its weakest emotional thought or feeling or action.
DAR: Oh, sure.
C-53: I mean, objectively, I feel like that's not true about ships. Imagine a powerful warship. It certainly couldn't be brought down by a depressed person on the fourth deck somewhere.
Z 4TH: Did you hear yourself just now?
C-53: Well, I guess I could play it back.
[recording plays]
C-53: Imagine a powerful warship, couldn’t be brought down by a depressed person on the fourth deck…
C-53: Wow, I do sound really condescending.
[audience laughs]
Z 4TH: Yeah. I'm a mirror for you. You see, I'd like to begin with a group scan, if we can.
[scanning]
C-53: Sure, sure. I mean, I've scanned everyone before we came, but if-
Z 4TH: I had to re-scan you.
DAR: Okay.
Z 4TH: Things change.
PLECK: Ugh… That felt very, wow, that felt very strange.
Z 4TH: Yes. I'm just gonna light some stones to set an atmosphere.
C-53: Alright. I guess I'd love to see a stone lit.
[sparking]
C-53: Whoa.
DAR: Wow!
Z 4TH: They're on fire now.
DAR: C, did that do it for you?
C-53: It really did!
DAR: Okay.
Z 4TH: They're from my home star system. Everything's on fire there. It's a very passionate feeling planet.
PLECK: Yeah.
Z 4TH: We are driven by our emotions.
DAR: Right. Large hearts.
C-53: Yes, large hearts, and Zibian rocks are some of the most emotional rocks in the galaxy.
Z 4TH: That's why they spontaneously combust. You can't yell at them, otherwise they catch fire.
PLECK: I've heard about these very emotional rocks. They call them emos, right?
Z 4TH: Yes. They call them-
PLECK: Emotional rock?
Z 4TH: Emos. Well, emotional. I prefer the term. Emo feels derogatory.
DAR: [laughs]
PLECK: That's cool. Yeah, that's probably better. That's probably better.
Z 4TH: But let's start with your resistance.
C-53: Emotional rocks were really popular a few years ago, and now they're kind of like, they're not as big as they were.
PLECK: Yeah, I shouldn't have even brought it up. Shouldn't have even brought it up.
C-53: Alright! Some people still love emotional rock.
Z 4TH: What's your resistance?
PLECK: What's my resistance?
Z 4TH: To this emotional rock.
PLECK: No, I mean, listen, I like the rocks… fine. I just kind of like all rock. I sort of just like your classic rock….
[audience laughs]
Z 4TH: I feel like you're placating me.
PLECK: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Z 4TH: I feel like you're telling me what I want to hear when this is really-
C-53: Yes, Ambassador Decksetter, everyone likes classic rock, they are the formation of most planets.
PLECK: That's true.
Z 4TH: Let's sit down in the pool of compliance.
C-53: Something we likely have no choice in.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Yeah, I'm sitting. I didn't even think I was, and now I am, yeah. That's warm.
C-53: Just making sure my cube is safely sealed here, so no worries.
DAR: I feel like I've displaced a lot of this water.
Z 4TH: So, in the pool of compliance, does anyone feel the resistant thought bubbling up? And no, uh, waste should ever leave your body in this pool, okay? I just… I forgot to start with that. You get very comfortable.
DAR: It would have been nice had you said that actually just moments earlier.
Z 4TH: Okay, hold on. I'm just going to turn on the filter here. [whirring followed by a ding] And it's gone.
C-53: Oh. That’s a well made compliance pool. Good filter…
Z 4TH: Back to the work.
PLECK: Sure, sure.
Z 4TH: What feelings are coming up? I've sensed a lot of tension.
PLECK: Well, I guess I'll go first. You know, sometimes I feel there's a little tension sometimes, because my bedroom is sort of like a phone booth? I think it was originally a phone booth? That's it. So, I have tension in my neck and lower back a lot of the time….
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I'm not sure that’s what Z 4th was—
Z 4TH: How about this? [whirring ding] How's it now?
PLECK: A LOT better!
C-53: What was that a bubble of that just came up?
PLECK: I don’t know!
Z 4TH: That was pain. Yes, it sucks out all waste including pain. Anyway, my heart's turning red. Look away!
DAR: Okay…
Z 4TH: And we're back to green.
DAR: Okay.
PLECK: Dar, maybe you should go next.
Z 4TH: You seem resistant.
DAR: Sure… Um, you know.
Z 4TH: What is your favorite form of self-care?
DAR: Oh, masturbation.
Z 4TH: Okay, that's healthy.
DAR: Yeah, I am actually using one of the jets right now.
Z 4TH: I had a feeling, that's what I wanted you to reveal. You have passed therapy. Congratulations.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Whoa, already?
DAR: I've passed therapy?
Z 4TH: Yes, you've passed therapy.
C-53: Dar, congratulations.
DAR: Wow, I feel great.
Z 4TH: Would you like to share five words of wisdom to your crewmates?
DAR: Ah, yes. As someone who has passed therapy, my five words of wisdom would be live, laugh, love… Lay’s… chips.
PLECK: That's pretty good.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: Listen, hey, Z 4th, this is great, but I'm getting a little pruney in this compliance pool?
Z 4TH: Okay.
PLECK: I was wondering if I could just towel off, just kind of go back to the ship, get a quick snack…
CLINT: [charges blaster] Get down on the ground!
PLECK: Ah! Okay!
CLINT: Z 4th? Z4th?
Z 4TH: Yes?
CLINT: It's not working. I'm stressed out, man. I'm here. I'll take you all out! [fires gun] I'll take you all out!
C-53: Alright, everyone, just calm down.,,
CLINT: I'm freaking out, man!
PLECK: What's happening?
Z 4TH: Let him discharge. Let him discharge!
CLINT: Nobody's leaving until I work everything out. NOBODY’S leaving!
PLECK: Okay!
DROID 1: There's a second CLINT here for therapy with this CLINT.
CLINT 2: Hey, I'm also here. I just feel bummed out. I don't know. I feel like I've kind of done everything I've done, and it's like, what's next, you know?
DROID 2: And a third CLINT has come as well!
CLINT 3: Hey, I can't stop… jucking. I just can't stop. I feel like it's going to satisfy me, but… I just… [fires] AHH! I’m so mad!
C-53: They all seem to be pretty aware of their issues coming into this.
CLINT: But nobody leaves!
CLINT 2: Yeah, nobody leaves!
CLINT 3: Yeah, that's right. I agree. Nobody leaves until we get our issues straightened out!
PLECK: Alright, alright! What do you, what do you want us to do?
Z 4TH: Well, we have to escape this planet by escaping our own fears.
PLECK: Oh, okay.
Z 4TH: And you have to figure out CLINT, because I am struggling here. I'm struggling here. Being a therapist is hard! Nobody asks me how I am…
CLINT: You think being a therapist is hard? Try being a clone!
Z 4TH: I am a clone!
CLINT: Right. I totally… Yeah. But try being a trooper and a clone at the same time.
CLINT 2: Yeah, try that. It's really hard.
CLINT: I just said that it was hard.
CLINT 2: Why are we doing this right now?
CLINT: Well, I don't know. You decided to do it.
CLINT 3: Guys, I feel, like, neglected…
PLECK: I feel like we should go.
CLINT: NOBODY’S LEAVING!
DAR: Okay, okay, okay!
PLECK: Alright, listen, listen. [yelling] Can I just say something? I've been sitting here listening to a lot of people talk about a lot of stuff that I don't understand! This is bullshit. C-53’s completely clammed up about everything. Dar's masturbating constantly! And Z 4th, I feel like you're just as jucked up as the rest of us.
Z 4TH: How does that make you feel, though?
PLECK: Angry. [yelling] Therapy with three clones you've never met is a terrible way to do group therapy. Listen! [blaster charging] Okay! [shot fires] Whoa! AH, that was so close!
CLINT 2: That's right.
DAR: Are you a bad shot or was that just a warning?
CLINT 2: It was a warning shot.
PLECK: LISTEN! I’m not usually like this, but I can’t STAND being around all of you! It's, like, I go on these missions. C-53 is always so condescending towards me. Dar, I mean, despises me! And every time we meet a CLINT, they either are very angry, they want to juck, or they're sad!
CLINT 2: Yeah, I'm sad. I was on a battleship. I was on the fourth floor of a battleship.
PLECK: What?
C-53: Wait a minute…
CLINT 2: And I was just really bummed out.
C-53: But that couldn't have possibly had any impact on the outcome of the warship!
CLINT 2: It had a big impact.
C-53: Wait a minute. Ambassador Decksetter, don't you see what's happening here?
PLECK: No.
C-53: There's three CLINTs all of a sudden. Did you notice that?
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: One is very angry. One likes to juck.
DAR: Who doesn't?
C-53: And one seems to think that one depressed person on the fourth floor of a warship could cause it to destroy itself!
DAR: Well, I see how that syncs up with me and syncs up with Pleck, but how does that other one sync up with you?
C-53: [sighs] I really should not be discussing this, but I was on a warship that destroyed itself. I was on the fourth deck of the ship. I managed to escape, the warship launched directly into a black hole. It wasn't MY fault. I want to make that very clear. I'm saying I don't know if these CLINTs are real.
PLECK: What?
CLINT 3: Yeah, I'm the one who likes to juck. I'm right near this jet. Mm! Yeah. I like it because it's like jucking, but I don't actually have to deal with feelings! Yeah. Right? Dar, you get me.
DAR: I really do. I relate to you so hard right now.
PLECK: I think I see what's going on here. This is some sort of simulation. CLINT, if you're real, then just shoot me right now!
C-53: Oh, oh, Ambassador Decksetter, I was not suggesting this course of action.
PLECK: No?
[CLINT charges blaster]
Z 4TH: Let it happen, let it happen…
DAR: Too late. Let's see it happen!
PLECK: Go for it, man.
C-53: This was a THEORY I was suggesting.
CLINT: Your boldness means…
PLECK: C-53 knows everything, and he's right most of the time! Pull the trigger. Let's do this!
C-53: I wasn't right on the fourth deck of that warship.
[audience laughs]
CLINT 2: I get it man, I get it.
DAR: You are nothing like that guy!
C-53: No, we're almost exactly the same.
PLECK: Really? C-53? Are you sad inside?
C-53: There were a lot of good people on that ship. Many of them were terrible, but some of them were so good.
CLINT 2: C-53, maybe you should just, you know, drown me in this compliance pool right now.
C-53: Is this… Z-4th, is this part of this?
Z 4TH: What's my heart telling you?
C-53: I mean, I would love to drown this CLINT. He's very obnoxious.
CLINT 2: Uhhh…
Z 4TH: Act on your instinct.
C-53: Oh. We're all okay with that? Alright.
CLINT 2: Yeah, you're pushing me down into the… [glubbing]
C-53: Okay. Just gotta hold him under the gel…
PLECK: This seems weird. I don't like this at all.
C-53: I'm starting to feel very weird about… Oh, he's disappeared! He's gone.
PLECK: Alright, well, I guess, I don't know. I'm just trying to connect the dots here, I guess I’m supp-
CLINT: Oh, you're angry? You're angry? Because, oh, I'm Pleck. I get to go around the galaxy with two incredible crew… GAH
C-53: Oh, gee, whoa, Dar!
DAR: He was so annoying!
PLECK: I think I was supposed to do that.
C-53: Yeah, I think YOU have to kill the one who wants to juck.
DAR: No, no, no, that guy's cool!
CLINT 3: Yeah.
DAR: That one who was so angry and complaining, ughhh!
C-53: You just snapped his neck.
DAR: Very easily.
CLINT 3: Yeah, well, I'm… Okay, well, I'm Pleck. I like to juuuck—
PLECK: No, that's not what my thing is. That's not what my thing is, though.
CLINT 3: Well, listen. Yeah, Dar just killed the angry one, so I'm the one who jucks. You have to kill me.
PLECK: Can I just see that blaster for a second?
CLINT 3: Yeah, okay, sure. [Pleck fires blaster] Oh! Oh, I wish we had jucked!
[audience laughs]
PLECK: No, no, I don't. Ugh. I feel dirty now. Is this what therapy is supposed to feel like?
Z 4TH: This is what being a complete team is supposed to feel like.
PLECK: I guess we did sort of work together on that.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: Like, you killed the guy who was threatening me. I shot someone that I shouldn't have shot. That's pretty classic Pleck.
C-53: That’s pretty standard Pleck.
PLECK: And C-53… drowned a guy? I'm not sure how that part works. But I feel like you really kind of connected with something there, C-53. I don't think I've ever really seen you show any emotion before, and that was really… I really learned a lot about you.
C-53: I'll be honest, I probably was not supposed to talk about a lot of that. But I feel closer to you now, having confessed.
PLECK: Thanks, C-53. You know, I don't say this very often, but you guys are my only friends.
DAR: We know.
PLECK: Okay, well, it's sometimes good to say things out loud.
C-53: I actually have over three dozen instances of you saying that.
PLECK: That’s true…
C-53: Here, I'm going to play some of them back just now.
[recording playing]
PLECK: You guys are my only friends! [chime] [sobbing] You guys are my only friends. [chime] [chipper] Did you guys know that you're my only friends? [chime] You guys are MY… only friends. [chime] [whisper] You guys are my only friends.
C-53: That one I caught under your breath in the bathroom.
PLECK: Yeah, you guys weren't even there when I said that.
C-53: No, I know… Very sensitive monitoring system.
DROID 2: Knock knock knock!
PLECK: Uh, yeah, come in.
C-53: Oh it’s the… it’s the nested droids.
DROIDS: Hello!
C-53: They're functioning as one.
DROIDS: Yes! Your card was declined. Yes!
[transition]
BARGIE: Alright, alright, boys, come in. Come on in, take it out.
PLECK: Alright.
C-53: Are you going to miss your engine, Bargie?
BARGIE: We had a good couple of good years together.
PLECK: What are they going to do with that extra engine, Bargie?
BARGIE: Just going to set it free.
C-53: Just going to fire it loose in space?
BARGIE: Whenever you see what seems like a shooting star in the sky, it's not. It's another ship letting go of an engine because that's what's cool now.
DAR: Oh, it's trash. It's just trash passing through space.
C-53: That seems… extremely dangerous.
PLECK: Wasteful.
BARGIE: We're going to go a little slower now. I'm going to have to rest more. But I'm going to look real good.
PLECK: May I say, Bargie, it looks great. Your lines are very clean. Very uh, I feel like you’re more aerodynamic now…
BARGIE: Thank you. Plus I have that extra room! I could do something with that extra room! I could like give it to someone as a bedroom or something.
PLECK: That is an idea!
BARGIE: Or we could…
C-53: We could just have a pool table.
BARGIE: Yeah, put in a pool table.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: Okay, sure, that works too.
[communicator chimes]
C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Okay. Hey, Nermut!
DAR: Hey, Nerm.
NERMUT: Wow, I just read the log from TheraPlanet. Wowee!
PLECK: Yeah.
NERMUT: That was nuts! So yeah, it says you guys just gotta do three more sessions.
C-53: I don't know. I don't know if we've got the time for that…
NERMUT: Okay! And good news, Pleck, they managed to get your card to work, so they were eventually able to charge you.
PLECK: Great. Cool, thank you. Appreciate that.
NERMUT: But yeah, I'm excited for you. You probably know yourselves and stuff, and, uh… I love ya.
PLECK: Love you too, Nermut.
DAR: I'm sorry, what?
C-53: Sorta tossed that last part in there.
NERMUT: Yeah. I just, like, I got inspired from you guys going to therapy, and I got some books about being open, and I just read a book about, and I just had to say…
DAR: What's the title of the book?
NERMUT: Say I Love You to Your Crew.
PLECK: That's the name of the book?
NERMUT: That's the name of the book. So, um… What's, uh, happenin'?
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Alright, Nermut, we'll talk to you later.
NERMUT: Okay, bye guys!
DAR: Bye, Nermut.
PLECK: You know, I think we could all learn a lot from Nermut Bundaloy.
DAR: Oh boy.
C-53: A LOT?
PLECK: Well, one thing.
C-53: Okay.
PLECK: He's nice. He's a nice guy.
C-53: He is. Yes, I’;; agree. I've worked under worse.
PLECK: I, uh, you know, I really like you guys too. I don't know if I've ever said this before, but…
DAR: Let's hear the playback.
C-53: Okay, yep.
[recording]
PLECK: [whispers] You guys are my only friends.
[audience laughs, outro music]
ALDEN: That's our show, ladies and gentleman!